‘I don’t love him. I’m not sure I ever did. I thinkeverythingis fucking love. I clearly have no clue what it is or I wouldn’t be so terrible at identifying it.’ She pauses, her breath catching. ‘He turned out to be a not-very-honest person,’ she whispers.
‘Do you think he ever had any intention of leaving his girlfriend?’
‘I don’t know. In the beginning maybe, but then the excuses started. She had some kind of minor surgery. And then her mum was ill. It just seemed like bullshit in the end.’
‘Ugh! Piece of absolute shit.’
‘Well. Yes.’
‘It’s great that you fall in love so readily, Heather. It’s nice,’ I continue softly. ‘Better than being unable to do it at all.’
‘I wish I was more protective of myself, like you,’ she sighs. ‘Anyway, I’m coming home.’
‘Oh, really? What will you do?’ I say, hearing the sharpness in my voice. ‘I mean, how long until the Paris job happens? Will you go back into your flat? Isn’t it Airbnb’d or something?’
‘Well, I can fix that,’ she sighs. ‘I’m just humiliated.’
‘Don’t be,’ I say, ducking through the long grass and onto the little path by the stream. ‘Listen, if I lose you in the next few minutes, I’ll call you right back – the coverage is bad here.’
‘In Tooting?’
‘No, no – I’ve kind of gone somewhere,’ I say, scrambling.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m going for a walk.’
‘A what?’
‘Am I cutting out?’
‘Maybe. It sounded like you said you were going for awalk.’
‘Oh yes, that’s right, I am.’
‘What?’
‘Sorry, am I losing you, Heather?’
‘No!’ she shouts. ‘I’m just dying of shock!’
I can’t help but burst out laughing. ‘Oh yes, I know. This summer has been quite transformative.’
‘I can’t wait to hear about it. Could it be a certain chef you’ve mentioned?’
‘Hmm,’ I say, and think, for the millionth time, about James and the inevitable end of our romance. And in that moment, speaking to my best friend who I’ve been lying to for weeks now, I realize I’m one sob away from everything coming out.
‘I can’t talk about it now. But I will have to tell you what’s been going on.’ I feel the tears forming, getting ready to spill.
‘Jeez, Birdy, you let me go on and on, and you’re upset! What’s happened? What did the chef do?’
But I stop, swallow and focus on my friend. ‘Nothing. It’s not him. It’s my fault, but it’s all going to work out. Somehow it will.’
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’
‘I’m totally fine. Never been better. That’s what so grim about it all.’
‘You can tell me anything.Anything!’ she says softly. ‘We’re family, remember.’
