I pause, take in a big breath, and look around. The question deserves thought and I know he won’t accept anything less. “Fun enough to replace some of the bad memories.” I pause. “But I want to be home. I want my life to be in Rome.”
His eye closes again, but a smile opens. “Fair enough.”
And then I go out on the scariest limb I’ve ever balanced on. “Besides . . . you wouldn’t be here if I stayed.” Both of his eyes open now and find mine. “And I have a hypothesis that tonight was so much fun because you were with me.” I let the silence stretch for half a second before I chicken out. “Mybestfriend.”
He stares at me and then stares some more. I don’t know what he’s staring at, what he’s seeing. Everything, maybe. Finally, he reaches out and gently wraps his fingers around my forearm, tugging me down so I break out of my T-shirt cocoon and lay my head on the pillow beside his.
“He was wrong, you know . . .”
I know exactly who he’s talking about. “Caden? I’m not so sure. I think he might have been more correct than I’d like to admit. I haven’t been ‘bring home to Mom’ material. But I’m trying to be now.”
“You’re too quick to believe the negative about yourself. It’s not true. And you don’t need to change a damn thing.”
“Oh come on, James. You’ve known me my entire life. You’ve seen all the mess-ups. You’re the one who helped Noah drag my ass out of jail that night I went skinny-dipping in college!”
“Who cares? You were a kid. You wereliving.And you’re forgetting all the amazing stuff you’ve accomplished too. No, don’t give me that look.”
“Excuse me if I don’t believe the hot air you’re blowing at me. My track record is full of more failure than success.”
“You really don’t see it, do you?”
I frown at him.
“Madison, other people lean into the one thing they are good at and stick to it because it’s the surest way to success. Take me, for example. . . . I was raised to be a farmer, and I’m good at it, so I never quit. I just kept going with the path that was laid out for me.”
“And now you own an entire farm!”
His brown eyes slam into mine. “But at what cost?”
“James . . .”
“But you have always been brave enough to throw yourself into whatever it is you love. Even if you’re not naturally good at it. If it inspires you, excites you, you try it. You have more instances of ‘failure’ on your list because you are resilient and you’re not afraid to live—and you’ll likely never know just how inspiring I find you.”
How does he do that? How does he so easily manage to make me feel ten feet tall with pride? And it means even more to me knowing he’s not searching for the right line that’s going to get me to sleep with him. I get the sense he’s saying what’s on his mind.
This good, kind man finds me inspiring.
And I suddenly wonder if anyone has ever given him the chance to bet on himself like he’s betting on me.
“James . . . have you ever thought about moving here to New York or someplace else and starting over?”
He closes his eyes again. “Yes. But only once in my life.”
“When Noah was here?”
“No.”
And that’s all he says about it.
I eventually lie down beside him and curl my knees up again, pressing lightly into James’s side for warmth. It’s not cold out here, but my bare legs are chilly. Without hesitation, James’s hand moves to my outer thigh and he rubs up and down it, generating heat.So much heat.
I’m delirious from staying awake all night and drunk off James’s smile and the quiet honesty that’s unfolded between us over this trip. Which is why I’m staring openly at the side of his face. Studying the slope of his nose and the angle of his jaw. The scruff and the light curl of his lashes. And his mouth, full and mesmerizing.
I lay my face on my hands. “So, you’re not scared of what will happen if I fail and take your restaurant down with me?”
James’s head lolls again in my direction and his hand stills, flexed against my leg. “To be completely honest, Madison, I’m only scared of what will happen when you succeed.”
Thatis the absolute best thing anyone has ever said to me.
