“Four years,” I confirm.
He nods. “And for a long time that was enough to make you Noah’s annoying little sister to me.”
“Oof—” I say like he punched me in the gut. “The truth hurts.”
“But . . .” His jaw flexes as his eyes meet mine. “I guess when I stopped seeing you that way, we had already solidified a normal course of interaction. I never quite figured out how to change it.”
By my math and quick calculations, all of those words add up to this: James does not view me as Noah’s annoying little sister anymore. But based on his reaction back at the cottage, he doesn’t want me to find him attractive either.Probably for the best.
In my silence, James chooses his words as carefully as a surgeon picking his instruments. “I never wanted to get rid of you, Madison.” He breathes in and looks like there’s so much more he wants to say. And then an antagonizing smile splits across his face. “But itwaspretty nice not having a giant mess to clean up in my kitchen after family dinner.”
I air-kick him. “Jerk. I always cleaned up after myself !”
He’s backing away from me. “You don’t even know how to clean.”
“Sure I do. Watch me clean that stupid smile right off your face!”
He’s laughing now as he turns his back to me and disappears through a swinging door. I follow him, ready to show him just how annoying I can be, but then I stop dead in my tracks.
We’re in the kitchen.
“These are what clean countertops look like. . . . Maybe go ahead and take a picture so you can remember the state they are supposed to return to.”
I don’t respond to his joke. I can’t. But not for the same breathless reason as a few minutes ago.
The metal countertops are so crisp. There’s this huge sink and a giant oven. Stainless-steel pots and pans and empty containers on a shelf where dry ingredients will be stored. There’s even a little window above the sink, but it does nothing to make me feel less caged right now.
My heart is a hammer, threatening to crack my ribs.
My nails bite into my palms.
I can’t find my breath.
The lights are so bright, they’re sharp as knives.
I reach out to steady myself, but the familiar cold stainless-steel countertop meets my overly heated fingertips and jolts me back to memories I never want to relive but do all too often.
Distantly, I hear James say my name, but I’ve tunneled too far into my senses to acknowledge him.
A firm grip takes hold of my waist, and his breath touches my temple. “You’re shaking.”
“Because I’m going to die,” I murmur into James’s chest after he scoops me off the ground.
“No, you’re not. I’m here.” His voice is a life preserver tossed out to where I’m barely treading water, but I can’t reach it because I’m not actually here—I’m stuck back in New York.
CHAPTER TEN
James
“Come here often?” I ask Noah as I take the stool next to him at the Diner’s bar seating.
He cuts his eyes to me with a dry expression because I say this to him all the time. Noah comes here every morning for a cup of black coffee before going to open up the Pie Shop. I try to meet him here at least once a week.
As far as he’s concerned, it’s an accidental meetup—but it’s actually pretty calculated on my end. I schedule my morning around it because even though Noah will never in a million years admit it to me, he counts on these kinds of intentional hangouts as much as I do.
When his parents died, our friendship became one of the most important relationships in his life. He leaned on me in a way he couldn’t with his sisters. I’ll always be there for him and he’ll always be there for me. Even when we’re busy and go long stretches of time without seeing each other, it will never affect our friendship.We’re brothers that chose each other, and that bond is stronger than sharing DNA.Believe me.
“You know, I’ve always wondered . . .” I pause to accept a cup of coffee from the server, who knows I also drink it black. “Thanks, Shirley.”
