I swallowed, the emotion so thick in my throat that it caught. “I don’t know if?—”
“It’s okay, Gray. You don’t have to forgive me. Or trust me. But I’m not going anywhere, okay? You need a constant in your life? Well, I’m here, whether you want me or not. You’re not alone. You’ve never been alone. And Chrome would say the same thing.”
At the mention of Chrome, my heart twisted. I looked at the blackening sky, hoping to fight off my tears. “We have to bring him back—” My voice broke. “No one stands a chance if we don’t, Slate.”
The wind began to whip around me again, my dark and desolate emotions getting the best of me. Two months of repressing had done nothing but wind me up so tight that I was cracking, on the verge of shattering. “It’s all my fault! My father’s always been right, Slate!” I shouted. “How is it I fuck up everything?” I clutched my chest, digging my fingers into the skin as if I could rip out my heart just to stop the pain.
Slate shook his head. “No, no. Don’t youdaregive that shitty excuse of a man any more power over you.”
“But it’s true!” My voice was swallowed by the gusts while hot tears flowed down my cheeks. “My mother is dead! Blaize is dead! Chrome is gone! Cotton and Scarlett are missing! And Hazel.Hazel,Slate! She died because of me.” My knees gave out, crashing to the field’s softened ground. “She…she…” I dug my fingers into the dirt, desperate to ground myself.
“Shh…” Slate lowered himself to his knees before me. “I know, Gray. But it wasn’t because of you.”
“Yes, it was! It’s because she helped me escape?—”
“No, Gray. It wasn’t that, Princess,” Slate said softly.
Slowly, I raised my head to meet his eyes. So many secrets hid behind them, I hardly recognized them anymore. “What do you mean?” I whispered, my stomach twisting.
Slate exhaled, bracing for what he was about to reveal. “When I left, we made a pact. If we were ever caught and imprisoned by Forest, then we’d take our own lives to protect the secrets we sacrificed everything for.”
“What?” I gasped, overwhelmed by such a shocking decision those two had made. Why did they think that suicide was the fucking answer? That was beyond extreme.
“Gray,” Slate demanded as if I should know the obvious. “You know your father would’ve tortured us until we gave up every single truth we held. We couldn’t let that happen. All would’ve been lost.”
I frowned, confused. “But if the insurgency happened years before, why would he kill you both over it years later? How would that have affected recent events?”
“He believed I was dead, and he needed to. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to help Chrome from the shadows for as long as I have. Since Hazel worked closely with Amethyst, she remained on the inside, serving as my informant regarding the King’s plans and dealings. If he discovered Hazel’s treason, it would’ve risked everything and put your life, as well as many others, in danger. Cotton and his father, for instance, or Smokey?—”
“Smokey, too?” I’d never understood why he helped me escape from the Kinetic Palace after my father poisoned me on my birthday, but now, it made sense.
Slade dipped his chin in confirmation. “He wasn’t originally part of the insurgency, but he later stepped in to offer his help in the ways that he could.”
My entire existence at the Royal Domain had been a mirage, it seemed. Everyone I knew had lived a secret life beneath the surface. Did I truly know any of the people I’d grown to trust?
“You can see why Hazel couldn’t risk Forest finding out, even at that point. Too many lives were at stake, as was the insurgency plan. For so long, we’ve all been doing so much behind the scenes to ensure you stay alive, protected, and take your place as queen. The only difference between the past and present is that now, you’re aware of it.”
Once my elementsettled and Slate was assured that I was okay, he returned to the lodge to help the others in the aftermath of Chrome’s attack. Hours later, I found myself sitting on the boulder by the lake. I let the memories come.
The memory of throwing the black crystal necklace I’d wrongfully cherished my entire life into the water. The memory of finding Chrome standing there in the throes of his Endarkening, suffering in silence.
The memory of him taking me by the tree, when our bond first solidified.
The moment I knew he was my person—he had always been my person. It seemed like we’d known each other for lifetimes, had memories together that neither of us remembered, which spanned centuries. But they all felt so out of reach.
I felt ridiculous. If I wasn’t grieving one man, I grieved another. How fucking pathetic. Not after tonight. Tomorrow, I would wake to be the queen that the world needed, that Chrome and Slate believed me to be. If everyone else could make such grand sacrifices, then so could I—no more pity parties.
But for now, I would allow myself to feel and mourn my losses. Suppression hadn’t gotten me anywhere but regression. Hadn’t I learned that the first time around? I decided to start meditating again to help manage my emotions, regain control over my element, and be mentally strong.
I couldn’t let Chrome’s, Hazel’s, Slate’s, and Blaize’s sacrifices be for nothing.
Leaning back on the rock, I stared up at the night sky, welcoming the memory of Chrome and me under the blanket of tree canopies during our journey to the Hollow after I fled the King’s Palace.“I love it when you say my name. Like it means something to you.”
I let the tears flow, releasing the pain so I could move forward. So I could find a way to rebuild the veil, restore Chrome, and unite the Kinetics and Elementals.
It could’ve been hours or minutes. I wasn’t sure, nor did I care. Not even when the splatters of rain began to meld with my tears in a light drizzle.
A deep male voice shattered the night’s serenity. “Gray.”
