Stone tossed some clean boxers on the counter and then knelt down on the floor. “Hand me the shampoo and then get your hair wet.”
God, he sounded so clinical.
I swallowed tightly as I leaned my head back until I sank into the water up to the edges of my face. I held onto the handle built into the side of the tub with one hand and used the other to make sure my hair was nice and wet.
When I sat back up, Stone was waiting with a handful of shampoo. I closed my eyes when he started working it into my hair. Only by pressing my lips together so tightly that they ached did I keep from moaning.
It felt so incredibly fantastic.
I knew Stone truly didn’t want to be here. He didn’t like to be reminded that he had been the one to put me in my wheelchair. That’s why I had suggested those weekly phone calls. It would still give us contact without him having to see me in person.
Now, I didn’t even have that.
“Okay, lean back.”
I grabbed a hold of the handles with both hands and leaned my head back until the water was at the edges of my face.
Stone loomed over me, so close I could feel his breath on my face. “Close your eyes, Sin.”
I swallowed again, harder this time, and closed my eyes. It was getting harder and harder each time. The lump growing in my throat was threatening to cut off my ability to breath.
Sometimes, I wondered if that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I was tired of fighting, tired of hoping. Tired of being disappointed.
I was tired of being alone, but my hyena wouldn’t settle for anyone but the one man we couldn’t have.
I was glad my eyes were closed and I was in the water. The tears that slid out from the corners of my eyes washed away in the bathwater. It would be the ultimate humiliation of Stone every found out just how much he was affecting me.
Over the years, I had gotten pretty good at hiding my feelings for the man. It had become an art form that spilled over into my everyday life. Few could tell what I was feeling. I wanted to keep it that way.
I jolted when I felt a hand on my back, lifting me back up. Keeping my eyes closed, I reached up and patted around until I felt terrycloth fabric beneath my fingers. I quickly wiped the water—and tears—from my face.
“Do you need any help with the rest of it?”
“No.” I forced a smile I didn’t feel. “I can take it from here.”
“Okay.” Stone stood. “Then I’m going to go change the sheets on your bed.”
“Oh, if you just call the maid, she can—”
“I can change sheets, Sinclair.”
I pressed my lips together and looked away, reaching for the body wash. When I heard the door open, I glanced up. “Thank you, Stone.”
The man nodded and then walked out, closing the door behind him. I sighed as I sank back into the water. I hadn’t missed how stiff his shoulders were. One of these days, I wanted to get up the courage to ask Stone why he made himself stay somewhere he didn’t want to stay.
Haven’t I been punished enough?Those were the words Stone had asked me a month ago. Maybe he thought I was still trying to punish him by having him here, except I didn’t ask him to be here.
I would never ask that of him. I knew what the boundaries were. They may have never been spoke out loud, but they had stood between Stone and me since the day I woke up in the hospital with a bullet in my back.
Over the years, they had never changed.
I needed to finish getting cleaned up and dressed so I could go back into the other room and relieve Stone’s mind that I was okay and he was off the hook. I could fall apart after he left. Until then, I needed to hold it together.
The way my luck ran, if I became emotional, Stone would probably think I was still trying to punish him.
I felt as if the weight of the world was sitting on my shoulders as I pulled the plug and drained the water out of the tub. Once it was all gone, I grabbed a towel and dried off the best that I could. I dropped the towel on the side of the tub and opened the door, scooting out onto the bathmat.
I had seen commercials for those tubs that had doors on them when I was younger. They were always aimed at older people. I never dreamed they could be used for someone in a wheelchair until I was actually in one. Now, I didn’t know what I would do without it.
