But I can’t seem to say that.
The words get lost somewhere between my chest and my throat.
Instead, I brush my thumb across his cheek and smile down at him. “You really are such a good boy, aren’t you?”
He leans into my touch and makes a small noise that tempts me. Before I can give into it and keep him on his knees, I drop my hand.
“Stand up.”
He frowns, his brows scrunched in confusion, but he does what I say. He’s still shaking, leaning his back against the tree for support. He peers at me with that same anticipating expression, laced with more uneasiness and doubt now that he doesn’t know what to expect of me, like I might actually just send him away now.
Which is the last thing I want to do.
He waits, patient and tense, while I stare back in silence. Wondering…
How the fuck do I grovel to this man so that maybe he’ll let me keep him when the time is right?
He swallows and shifts on his feet, my hesitation making him anxious.
“Sir?”
Any other time, that single whispered word would be enough to tempt me into action, to take control in all the ways I normally love. But I don’t think that’s what either one of us really needs right now.
I let out a sigh and shake my head. “Not tonight. Tonight, I just want you to say my name.”
He licks his lips, his eyes briefly flashing brighter.
“Isaac.”
His voice cracks a little on the last syllable, but I don’t care. It’s the most honest sound I’ve ever heard from him—raw and trembling, stripped of everything we usually hide behind.
My eyes close, and a weight I didn’t even realize was crushing everything inside my chest lifts. I needed that. I neededto hear him say my name without the fear that I caused. Something in me loosens as I breathe him in, and it feels like the first real breath I’ve taken since I nearly lost him to the edge. Since I nearly became something I couldn’t come back from.
Leaning forward, I drop my forehead against his and say, “Perfect.”
And then I kiss him.
The moment our lips meet again, it’s slower this time. Less desperation, more ache. The kind that settles deep in the chest and spreads like heat. His breath shudders against my mouth, and I can taste the cold night on his lips, the faint trace of river water from the mist in the air.
His body presses flush to mine, warmth seeping through the thin layers between us, and I realize just how close I came to never feeling this again.
I slide a hand up the back of his neck, my thumb brushing the line of his jaw. When I finally pull back, his eyes appear glassy in the dark. For a second, I can’t tell which one of us is shaking more.
And then he whispers my name again, softer this time, like it’s something fragile he’s afraid to lose.
“Isaac.”
It feels like forgiveness whispered against my lips.
But it’s not enough.
So I drop to my knees.
There’s a slight twinge when they hit the cold, hard ground, but I ignore it as I reach for the button of his jeans.
“Wh-what are you doing?”
I peer up at him as I slowly lower his zipper. “Do you want me to stop?”
