“Does it matter?”
“It always matters.” He took a sip of his wine. “Especially when it comes to appearances.”
That was his way of saying,How dare you embarrass me.
We ate in silence for a while, the clink of silverware the only sound between us. The restaurant was one of those upscale places he likes—white tablecloths, low lighting, everything designed to look elegant and effortless.
It had been so long since we went out, and it reminded me of the dinners he used to treat Mom and me to.
After holding off for as long as I could, until we were nearly finished with our meals, I cleared my throat. “Listen, um…things with Molly are over.”
He looked up then, frowning. “Your girlfriend?”
“Ex-girlfriend,” I corrected. “We broke up a few days ago.”
“Why?”
“Long story,” I said, refusing to come out to him tonight. Or maybe ever. “Anyway, I’ve been crashing at Bodie’s place, but it’s pretty crowded over there with him and his roommate.”
His fork paused halfway to his mouth. “You want to move back into the house.”
“Just until I figure things out.”
He leaned back in his chair, studying me like I was a case file. “You’re not sixteen anymore, Jackson. You can’t just come home every time something doesn’t go your way.”
“I’m not trying to run away from anything. I’m just kind of out of options here, and I guess I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind helping me out.”
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t take that tone with me.”
“Then don’t treat me like I’m still a kid.”
The silence that followed was thick and heavy, stretching until the waiter came to refill our water glasses. My father’s jaw was tight when he finally spoke again.
“If you’re coming home,” he said firmly, “you’ll pull your weight. You won’t get into any more fights. You’ll be careful who you associate with.” He says the next part softer, as thoughhe’s speaking more to himself than to me. “I’d hate to see history repeat itself.”
My grip on my napkin in my lap tightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Some people have a habit of dragging others down with them.” He picked up his wine glass again. “I know you think you can see through people, but you’re still young. You have a lot to figure out.”
I stared at him, my chest tight. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I didn’t. Because every time I thought I understood my father, he’d find a new way to remind me that I didn’t know shit about the world he lived in.
By the time the check came, neither of us had said another word.
I spent that weekend moving back into my old room. If my dad had heard about me coming out, he hasn’t let on. Last week, we got into it for the hundredth time about something I can’t even remember now, so I spent the past few days moving yet again, this time out into the guesthouse.
That’s why I’m so fucking exhausted while sitting in my world literature class this morning. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open while Professor Kendall rattles on about Gilgamesh. I never used to have a problem staying awake before, especially inhisclass. I always loved to just listen to him speak, his voice deep and passionate and assertive.
“Mr. Ellis.”
My spine jerks up straight, my eyes flying open. One of my books slips off the desk and lands with a resounding thud on the floor. Quiet laughter drifts through the small lecture hall, surrounding me from all sides. My cheeks heat as my gaze meets Professor Kendall’s at the front of the room.
“Now that you’ve had your nap,” he says, the hard look in his eyes giving away that he’s less than amused, “can youplease tell me and the thirty-seven other students in this room who are actually awake what Enlil’s reason was for destroying humankind with a flood?”
I shrug. “They were having too much sex?”
The laughter around me returns, louder this time. Professor Kendall’s eyes grow darker, his mouth set in a firm line.
“Wrong book, Mr. Ellis. Wrong story as well. I believe you’re thinking of Sodom and Gomorrah. InThe Epic of Gilgamesh, the god Enlil decides to destroy the mortals because of all their noise.”
