And not with traps that look too much like second chances.
“You really don’t have torush to move out,” Bodie says as we walk across one of the campus parking lots. “I know how much you’re dreading moving back into your dad’s house.”
“That’s if he even lets me,” I mutter. “He’s still not happy about me changing my major.”
“You can still become a lawyer with an English undergrad degree.”
“But he knows I don’t want that.”
It’s just after five o’clock on Friday, and I have my last class in about an hour. I decided to kill some time—and maybe help distract myself—by walking Bodie to his car. I’m having dinner with my dad tonight, and that’s when I plan on asking him if I can move back in, as long as he hasn’t forgotten or decides work is more important.
“So just stay with me and Erin then.”
“I really appreciate that, Bode. But I’m taking up too much space, and you know it.”
Bodie Thompson and I have been best friends since we could walk. Our moms grew up together too. I was the first person he came out to, and I became even more protective of him after that.
After I left my apartment the night Molly and I broke up, I went straight to his place and came out tohimthis time. I haven’t told him I’ve been dealing with some fallout from it because he went through his own after he came out to everyone else. He still deals with it, honestly, and I don’t want to make anything worse for him.
He and his roommate Erin live in a small two-bedroom apartment, and I’ve been crashing on their couch. Erin is my friend too, and she’s been super cool about letting me stay. But I don’t want to be a burden longer than I have to.
“You know you’re always welcome there no matter what,” Bodie says as we reach his car.
“Thanks, man. Hopefully my dad and I don’t try to kill each other so I won’t have to come crawling back though.”
He laughs and smacks me on the shoulder playfully before opening the door to his car. “Oh, you still would. Don’t even pretend you wouldn’t come back to haunt me.”
“I mean, obviously. You’ll never be rid of me even in death.”
Plopping into the driver seat, he laughs again and peers up at me through the blond hair hanging in front of his brown eyes. “Good luck tonight. Just know you always have a place to go.”
“Love ya, bro.”
He blows me a kiss, and I grin and roll my eyes as I shut the door for him. As he starts his car and drives away, I walk back the way we came. Even though I’ll be a little early for my class, I head toward Old Main anyway. There’s a small study area on the first floor where I can wait and maybe get a little work done. But probably not.
As I pass by Professor Kendall’s classroom, I try not to think about how he’s stopped calling on me during his lectures. I know I’ve been a bit more quiet this week and have been trying to avoid too much attention, but I can’t help but take it personally.
What if he heard my big news too and now wants nothing to do with me?
Maybe the majority of those rumors about him and Dylan Ross were wrong. Maybe he’s not gay, and he’s actually as homophobic as a lot of other people around here.
That would be incredibly disappointing.
Not because I’ve thought about pursuing my crush now that I’m single, but just because I genuinely liked the guy. I liked how he saw me. Not as some kid fumbling through ideas but as if my thoughts actually mattered.
I guess that’s over.
Molly texted me the other day to say she was sorry. She had told one of her friends about me coming out to her, but she should have known her friend was a gossip. I blame them both.
Heading down the hallway, I turn left into the open study hall and am relieved to see it empty. I choose one of the armchairs and set my bag with my laptop on the end table beside me. I almost always write my notes by hand in classes, but I still carry my laptop with me in case I want to do homework during my time in between. For now, I decide to read the last pages ofThe Iliadthat we’re supposed to have done for Professor Kendall’s class next week.
That turns out to be a bad idea because as soon as I dig the book out of my bag and open it, I’m thinking about him again. About how his voice sounds when he quotes Homer. How his expression changes when someone surprises him with a good answer.
I stare at the page as all the ink seems to bleed together, swimming on the paper until it paints a picture of my teacher’s face. Faint voices reach my ears from somewhere in the distance, but somehow all my brain hears ishisvoice.
Damn, I really need to get over this stupid crush.
“Oh, look, it’s VFU’s newest gay boy.”
