“You are perfect.”
“I’m not,” he argued weakly.
“Maybe not to anyone else, but to me, you are. And not because you’re flawless, Ryan. Because you’re you.” My arm began to move so fast my muscles started to burn, but I didn’t care. The pain was nothing compared to the pleasure sparking to life under my skin. “If you remember nothing else about this moment, Ryan, remember that you are so fucking good.”
His head fell forward, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure what was happening. Then his dick kicked against my hand, and he pressed his hips down, making the mattress dip beneath us as he came. Hot ropes shot out over my stomach and chest as he let go, his breath a stuttered gasp that gave way to a chest-deep moan.
It was so much. Too much. I lost control before I was even really aware of it, and my orgasm hit me like a rolling tidal wave. I gasped as I began to spill inside him, my come deep in his ass, coating his insides as I let go.
My arms flopped at my sides as he fell on my chest, and I could feel his ass squeezing around me, milking me of the last drops as the world around us settled.
After a short forever, he turned his face to the side and looked up at me just as I threaded fingers through his hair. “Did you mean it?”
I didn’t bother to ask which part. “All of it.”
He swallowed heavily, then turned and kissed my chest. “We can talk about it.”
“Yes. But…after New Year’s.”
He didn’t ask me to clarify. I knew he understood. I wanted this time with him—these last perfect days with this perfect man. The rest would happen as it happened, and I would have to be okay with whatever came after.
Eighteen
ATLAS
Time passedin a blur with Gracie, Hasan, Tollin, and Tarik before they had to take the ferry back, and it was nicer than I expected it to be. The conversation stayed away from heavy topics, and Tollin did nothing more than pull me aside and ask me if I was going to be okay the next night.
“I am,” I told him, squeezing his shoulders. “I’m not alone.”
“No,” he said, his gaze cutting over to Ryan, who was sandwiched between Hasan and Gracie in a tight hug. “You’re not.”
Tarik apologized one last time, but I shook my head and smiled at him. “I’m glad you came. Next year will be different.”
The mood was subdued after they left, but it wasn’t the lingering quiet. It was what tomorrow meant. Ryan took my hand and led me back toward the room, but we didn’t go up the walkway. We headed down the beach and lay back on a shared lounger to watch as the sky began to darken. The sun didn’t set as early this close to the equator, but the nights were still longer, which I didn’t mind.
His hand slipped into mine. “Tollin asked me to pay closer attention to you. I think he’s freaking out about tomorrow.”
I took a breath, but I couldn’t bring myself to be annoyed. “I feel fine right now,” I told him, playing with his fingers. They curled over mine, stroking lines from fingertip to palm. “But I don’t know if I’m just trying to convince myself it’s okay.”
“I get it.” He lifted my hand and kissed my wrist. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“My feelings or the accident, or…”
“Any of it,” he said with a small laugh. “I mean, I know you have therapy, but I’m a good listener if you need it.”
I didn’t know what I needed. But there was something to be said about the fact that he’d been there that night. That he’d been the one holding me. I pressed his palm over my heart and turned toward him. “I could hear you the whole time. Even when I couldn’t open my eyes.”
“You—oh.” He swallowed. “I probably said some ridiculous stuff, huh?”
I laughed. “No. No, you kept me from losing it. I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t feel my legs, and there was so much pain. I knew you knew something was wrong, and you didn’t sugarcoat it, but you didn’t let me panic.”
“I was freaking out about the fact that the man I’d just watched sing onstage was now in the back of my ambulance,” Ryan admitted. “When I snuck into the bar to get Gracie her fucking Diet Coke, I was so pissed. I walked out of there feeling different.”
“Bad different?”
He looked up at me, his face a mask of shock. “Are you serious? Have you heard yourself sing?”
“Too many times,” I said dryly.
