Tollin paled, then cleared his throat. “Right, fine. Whatever. We’ll stay in our own hotel. But I want a goddamn explanation.”
I passed a hand down my face, then looked over at Ryan. He seemed upset. “Not right now.”
“Atlas—”
“No.” I let Ryan go and took several steps toward Tollin. When he reached out to steady me, I slapped his hand away. “This is why I left without saying anything to you. I am fine. I’m as fine as I’m ever going to be, anyway, and you won’t unclench your butthole and let me live.”
Tollin choked. “Excuse you. I’ve been trying to help?—”
“Yes. You have. And you were amazing at the beginning. But it’s less amazing and more suffocating now. I love you,” I added, and he looked surprised because we weren’t really the type to sayit. We were more of a show-it kind of family. “But I’m starting to get homicidal. I took this vacation to figure some shit out. And I did.”
“Clearly,” Tollin said dryly.
“I am allowed to move on from shit when it goes bad. And when I get home…”
“Don’t tell me. You’re moving out.”
I shrugged. “I want my own space. You’re about to have a baby, and while I’m sure she’s going to be as adorable as Sadie, and I will love her as much as it’s possible to love another human being, I don’t want to be part of colicky nights and an endless diaper parade.”
Tarik snorted. “Endless diaper parade. That’s your next band name.”
I couldn’t hide my laugh. “Shut up. I’ll get to you next, you fucking Judas.”
He held up his hands. “I have no defense, and I already spent my pieces of silver. Or…gold. I don’t know Christian shit.”
Rolling my eyes, I turned my gaze back to Tollin. “Come back for breakfast.”
“Oh. I wouldn’t want to encroach on your independent fuck fest or whatever,” he snapped.
I shook my head. “You don’t get to be pissed off that I’m angry you’re here. Just because I don’t answer doesn’t give you the right to just show up.”
Tollin looked me dead in the eyes. “The last time you didn’t answer was because you were dying in the back of an ambulance.” His tone was flat and yet somehow full of anguish. “Thanks for saving him, by the way,” Tollin added.
Ryan cleared his throat. “Uh. No problem.”
God, how was I supposed to be pissed off now? I hadn’t even thought about that. I hadn’t thought about how almost exactlyone year out from the accident might be as traumatizing for everyone else around me.
I looked at Tarik, and he shrugged. Yeah. He felt it too.
And I was suddenly the asshole here.
“Breakfast,” I said. I wasn’t ready to be done being self-righteous.
Tollin’s shoulders dropped, and he stood up. “Fine. At least I can sleep now that I know you’re alive.”
“Tollin, you would have been told if something happened,” I tried softly. “And I did text you. I told you where I was and that you could contact me in an emergency. Your panic attack is not an emergency.”
He took a deep breath. “Fine, I get it. I’m being an overprotective dick. Just…give me some room to be freaked-out about all this, okay?”
I bowed my head, then nodded. “Yeah. Alright.”
We didn’t exchange hugs. Tollin and Tarik left with their tails between their legs, but mine was there too. When I finally turned toward Ryan, his face was unreadable.
“I was an asshole.”
He licked his lips, then shook his head. “No. You’re not responsible for their feelings or how they manage them. He had a right to be worried, but he doesn’t get to punish you for it.”
I walked up and yanked him close, wrapping both arms around his waist. “You’re taking my side because you’re biased.”
