“Atlas.” I turned at the sound of a familiar voice—one of the few here that I didn’t hate. One of the few people who hadn’tbeen taken in by Raleigh’s bullshit charm. He’d been the head of our security for years, and he was one of the first people to point out that Raleigh wasn’t what he pretended to be.
And that I wasn’t out of my mind for believing something about us was fundamentally broken.
Tarik’s thick, dark brows dipped, and his gaze flickered down to my naked chest. There was sweat glinting off him, his equally dark, short-clipped hair untidy from doing whatever he’d been up to before finding me in the hallway. “You okay?”
“I’m leaving,” I said as he slid up and bumped my elbow with his own.
His eyes—a rich mahogany, several shades lighter than his skin but with the same, rich undertones—widened as he stared. “You’re…leaving? Like…”
“Like I’m leaving. I’m done. Raleigh just brought his newest play toy into my dressing room to tell me he wanted to open our relationship. I can’t…fuck. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be onstage with him. I can’t sing about loving him when I don’t. When I haven’t for god knows how long.”
His gaze flickered to the dressing room door, and I knew he’d seen the little mesh-twink walk in with Raleigh.
“So it’s done.”
“Yeah. It’s…it’s over. I need a car.”
I saw his swallow catch in his throat. “To where?”
“Home.” He lived in Ellis City too. It was a few tall buildings, a river running through the middle of the city, and several underground clubs where we’d gotten our start.
It wasn’t the place I wanted to be, but it was still home.
“I’ll drive you,” he said eventually.
“Tarik…”
“No,” he said, holding up a hand. “You’re the only reason I stayed for so long, Atlas. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you.I told Zeinab I’d stay through the rest of the year, but she’s been begging me to leave for a while.”
“You should have said something,” I told him softly. “I would have made it worth your while to get out of his hellhole.”
He opened his mouth to respond, but then we heard laughter behind the door, and a moment later, it opened. Raleigh stuck his head into the hallway, stared at me, then at Tarik. “I fucking knew that pussy wouldn’t be going anywhere. Tannis”—in ten years, he’d never gotten Tarik’s name right—“get him some goddamn clothes for the show.”
The door slammed, and Tarik passed a tired hand down his face. “How hard is he going to make this for you?”
“I don’t care what he does,” I told him, pulling the sweater on. “But if you’re cool with quitting…”
“Zeinab’s pregnant. I don’t want to be on the road anymore.”
My heart leapt in my chest with sadness because he was my best friend, and losing him was going to suck, but also joy because he deserved to be there for his family. “Let’s go,” I told him. “You need to be home with your wife.”
He didn’t live in Ellis City anymore, but he lived close enough that he could drop me off and make it home by sunrise.
Tarik hesitated, then carefully pulled his walkie out of his back pocket and set it on a small, rickety card table with a stack of programs on it. I could hear the static and then a voice calling for him. He looked torn, but I reached out and took his wrist.
“I need to go home.”
He nodded, but before I could pull my hand away, he squeezed. “You deserve better than all of this. You know that, right?”
“I’m starting to figure that out.”
That probably wasn’t even close to what he wanted to hear, but in that moment—a moment that set fire to both of our feet—it was enough. We both took a breath, and then I glanced down the hallway to find no one waiting there.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Tarik pulled keys out of his pocket. “Lead the way.”
I had never been great at coping with inside pain. Outside pain—that was easy. Slap a Band-Aid on, take a shot of whiskey, pop a Xanax, and call it a day. I could do that. I was used to outside pain. I’d been inflicting unintentional outside pain on myself since I could remember.
