My hands slide over his back, pulling him down to me, where I find a spot on his neck and suck. His rhythm stutters, and then he slams into me. I meet each one of his thrusts as best I can.
The words I need to hear…I need them. They hold me, in my mind, keeping me apart.
He touches me everywhere, his hands tracking over my skin, learning all my curves. I grab one of his hands, threading my fingers through his and holding tight as I whine, thrashing my head from side to side.
Cadel pauses inside me, buried deep, his cock throbbing. He leans in close so his lips are pressed to my ear.
“You are mine. For now and forever.”
My eyes widen and the schism slams closed. I melt, whining and clawing at him, clenching around his cock. I rub my chin and face on his neck, marking myself as he growls deep in his chest.
He shoves harder, and, with another growl, he knots me. My eyes go wide as I let out a breathless scream, my back arching up as my release slams into me. Over and over, the waves of pleasure throw me into a loop that doesn’t seem to end. When I finally come back, I find myself staring up at him.
His eyes are dark, his face in shadow. A fissure of fear opens up. The last time I was knotted was—
“Kaida Keres,” Cadel whispers in a command I can’t ignore.
“Can you feel me inside you?”
“Clearly,” I say with a touch of panic.
“No, here,” he says and touches the spot over my heart. “When an alpha knots an omega, it is supposed to be sacred. I have given you myself. I will protect you, care for you, love you. Even if you cannot see me, I will always be with you.”
His words are familiar.
I reach up and cup his cheek, needing the contact, staring into his eyes, repeating his words over and over until the panic eases and lets go.
“I am yours.” Words that are and aren’t mine slip off my tongue. His face crumples with pain, but then he’s leaning down and kissing me so hard I can’t remember my own name.
It’s not as strong as a bond, but it’s a thread. A connection, and that connection is a light that illuminates all the darkness in my soul, chasing away the nightmares and the memories.
He rolls so I’m lying on his chest, and in the light, I look up and see someone else completely. Someone unbearably beautiful with blue shimmers on his skin and deep red whorls.
“Rest Omega, I won’t let anything hurt you tonight,” he murmurs, stroking soothing circles across my back.
I lie on him until I’m able to lift off his knot, then I quietly get dressed and sit on the stone beside him. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but it’s not as easy as it was when we were naked. I almost wish I hadn’t got dressed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“Which part, what happened before or what just happened?”
He sits up and leans close. I stiffen and instantly regret it. He must sense the distance in me because he gets up and goes and gets dressed. I am such an idiot. I ruin everything.
“Any of it? What triggered it? Who am I killing?”
What? My mouth works, but I don’t have words. I sit silently for a long moment. My head is spinning. I don’t want to unpack what we just did. I want to leave it in the realm of a dream moment between wake and sleep.
“When I walked into the citadel, they gave me to the Beta’s Fang. No one else was allowed to touch me unless he allowed them to. He would do…” I scrunch up my face, clenching my hands in my lap, “horrible things. Make alphas have sex with me and kill them while we were knotted. Cut me open to see what was inside me. Kill people if I failed to please him. He liked to hurt people,” I trail off, aware my tone is like I’m made of stone.
Cadel sits beside me in silence. He doesn’t offer me words of wisdom or tell me how amazing it is that I survived. He just listens, and, in a way, it makes it easier to speak.
“The cell was dark, only a handful of steps in both directions, and he kept me in the dark.” I huff a bitter laugh. “The only time I saw the light was when he came. The first time I got outside, the light was so bright it was painful. I remember hiding in the crowd, stealing clothes. A wagon was heading out of town, I hid in the back and jumped out when I was in the wilds. They searched for me for weeks, but I learned how to survive.” I look at my hands. “I did survive. But that kind of cruelty, it ruins you. You can’t look at people the same. I don’t trust my instincts anymore.”
I stand up, unable to bear the silence. I turn to him and throw out a hand. “Look Alpha. I’m broken. Damaged. I see monsters everywhere.”
“You were hurt. You need time and a safe place to heal. And protecting yourself isn’t a bad thing,” Jarek growls, stomping into the room and shoving my arm down.
“Jarek,” I say faintly, my cheeks burning.
