“What happened?” The husky voice startles me. Cadel asks the question that tears the memories away. He’s become my own personal hero at this point, saving me from my own brain.
“A person we trusted betrayed us, and I was revealed. I ended up in the citadel, and I haven’t seen anyone since. I don’t know whether they are alive or dead.”
“The Resistance might be able to help you. We keep track of the names of as many people as we can. They don’t deserve to be forgotten,” Sophie says.
Her kindness surprises me.
“Thank you.”
Maybe it’s because we’re talking about my mother, or maybe I would have seen it, anyway. But I stop dead, afraid to turn my head. I inhale shakily and turn, and there in the window is a scarf. It’s hideously ugly and faded pink, but it’s the only colour in this miserable world.
I take an unconscious step towards it, but that one turns into two and then three, and before long, I’m running, slamming into the department store, ignoring the bats that hiss with long tongues and take off into the sky.
I move as if I’m moving through water, reaching out, terrified it’s going to disappear.
The material is still soft, my clumsy stitches are all there. It looks worse and so much better than I remembered. I pull it to my chest, burying my nose in it, smelling the peach scent, just the thinnest trace of my mother on the material.
All at once, horror slams into me. She was here. My mother was in the Culling Grounds. She probably died here. No! It’s hard to breathe. My fingers tighten painfully on the scarf.
“Keres?”
I whirl and bump the hat stand that had the scarf on it. It bounces off the window and bangs against the counter, right near a book that looks so familiar, I stop moving. I reach out, smoothing the dust off the front cover; my tiny gasp is as loud as thunder. It’s the same set of fairy tales she always used to read to me. The same. How did she find another copy? The other was moldy and ruined when I went back home and found it empty. I pull it into my arms, holding it to my chest.
I sink to my knees, trying to breathe. My head is spinning, and if the Beta’s Path showed up, I’m not sure I could even run.
“What’s wrong?” Sophie asks.
“My mother was here.” I was hoping she wasn’t, but this is almost enough proof to assume that she’s dead. The hope I had has dwindled down to almost nothing.
I flick through the book and find a loose page. She would always leave messages for me in the book. It was our code. One of many she drummed into me the minute I could walk. I left one for her the last night I was home, before I handed myself in.
I pull the fragile paper out and look at it. At first, I don’t see anything; my eyes are locked on the past, all my regrets and pain. Cadel touches my shoulder, just the lightest touch, but it grounds me faster than anything else.
Daughter of the Moon,
I stop and smile wide. “She always called me that. Daughter of the moon, she said I was a night owl, but my hair was so pale it’s the only place I could have come from.”
Cadel runs a hand down my hair.
I clear my throat and look down at her spidery writing.
I know you don’t understand any of this, but the time for the veils to be removed is coming. Yes, I know I’m being cryptic again, but it will all make sense in time.
By now, you should have them with you. Your protectors. The Resistance will be behind you, too; I’ve been spreading the rumours of you far and wide. Everyone knows your name now, Kaida. You are a legend, the omega who walked into the Beta’s lair and escaped again. Mythic, untouchable. I know this is going to annoy you, but people need to know how special you are.
I’m sorry to tell you, but that little desire you have to avoid it all is going to have to go away. You are at the center of all of this. It can only end one way.
Embrace anarchy.
When you say goodbye to the night, remember that nothing is as it seems. Do not give up.
And my daughter…I am so sorry. For not being here to meet you, for not being able to hug you and tell you how brave you were, how proud I am of you. I wish so much that I could be there, but I’m with you in spirit. Always.
PS- When everything is lost and you don’t know who you are anymore, go to your home.
Love forever,
Mum.
