“Yes, I keep telling myself that, but the fear that there is something hidden, something that needs to stay hidden, is urgently pressing at me, and I can’t imagine what it could be. Would you hate me if my secrets came out, and I was not what you thought I was?”
I think about it as truthfully as I can. “Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t imagine it, but I’ve thought that before, and it turns out the betrayal of someone you trust is worse than any other kind of betrayal.”
Jarek slips into the room and passes out three bowls of rice and beans. “It’s all they had at this time of the night, but it’s warm and tasty, or so the chef says.” Jarek sits down with a groan. “Home sweet home, huh? It could be worse. I’ve lived in much less welcoming accommodations.”
I pick at the food and then eat every single bite because you don’t waste food in this world.
The three of us are silent.
“What do you think of their plan?” I ask Jarek, watching him closely.
“It’s extremely desperate,” Jarek says. “But if it’s true what they are saying, and we’re bordering on extinction, then I guess it’s the only option other than letting them die.”
I acknowledge his comment with a nod of my head. “It just seems so hopeful. Like, they don’t know the location of the exit. A whole lot of things are blank and to be filled in later,” I say bitterly.
“Yes, that’s concerning, but they have emptied the citadel. Everyone is here. The Path are planning something.”
Fear seizes my spine. I turn, watching him, forgetting everything else.
“How do you know they emptied the citadel?” Cadel asks.
“Because I overheard them talking. Other than you guys, everyone else had been shipped over in the week prior. Hundreds of carts of people, day and night. Only the top-ranking were left, a skeleton crew, as it were. Even all the omegas and alphas were brought over.”
I turn so I can see him properly.
“Seriously?” I whisper. “Is this it? Are they planning onkilling us all?”
“Yes. The citadel is empty, and it would seem so.”
My mind races. If anyone survived, they are here in this city, hiding, waiting for the killing to start. Someone might have made it, and I could help them, I could get them out, I could find out…
I close my eyes, smothering the hope.
“Let’s get some sleep. I want to hear the rest of what they have to say, but not while my head is this cluttered.”
I fall asleep and dream of the Beta’s Fang. He throws back his head and laughs as he slams the brand against my chest. I can smell my flesh burning, the searing pain that sinks down into me, obliterating every other thought.
I dream about the words he said after, when I was hanging limply from the wall, sweat covering my naked, trembling body.
“Now, you're mine forever. No one will touch you while you wear my mark.”
I wake up and crawl away from the alphas and vomit the food I’d eaten. My hand shakes as I reach up, covering the burning omega brand that sits between my breasts.
“I’m not. I’m not yours,” I whisper, but a deep fear wonders if I’m wrong.
Chapter 18
The gods are dead
I’m not in the mood to be around people. The Beta’s Fang destroyed my foundation of self. He took everything I valued, and bit by bit, he made me a shell. Just dreaming about him brings back all the fear and self-loathing that he taught me.
I can’t look people in the eye anymore because I’m afraid they will see the broken shards of me. If they saw all the contaminated broken parts, they would be horrified. How easily I had given in to him. How quickly I had begged.
I huddle into a tighter ball and rock, trying to push the memories back into the box they have broken free of.
Mordecai’s presence grows over time, his scent soothing me and helping to push back the horrors that have haunted me every day for five years.
I don’t even care how I appear, but my eyes burn when I look at him.
