My mind stutters over what he’s implying.
“What?” I’m stunned by his sharp agreement. What does that even mean? I want to scream at him, to rail, but what can I possibly say to him? His mind is made up, I can see it.
“Our people are already looking at you as if you are divine. Praying to you, hoping that you will favour them. The blind faith that their hope has created is not something that can easily be quashed.”
The reality of my infamy leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I swipe my hair back away from my face, licking my lips as I try to find words.
“You want me to leave?” I ask, my voice going up at the end until it’s almost shrill. “Because I’m a danger to your power?”
He wrinkles his nose . “Not leave, at least not right away; stay out of sight, be normal. Do not be exceptional. I need you to remember that we’re trying to save people.” He says it with so much condescension that I think I’ll choke on it.
“I understand that,” I snap.
“Do you? You lived for five years alone, you could have joined us; we would have welcomed you, but you stayed apart from us. You, Jarek, and Cadel have become so untouchable that you divide the hierarchy of the Resistance. Even Mordecai is lying to me.”
“We’re not going to steal your position,” I say bitterly.
“I don’t give a fuck about who leads the Resistance. I care about keeping these people alive.”
I look away, over the valley, frustrated and hurting. Of course, he’d know that Mordecai was lying to him. “Where should we go? How far is far enough? Are you going to recall me to come fight with you when they come?” I say bitterly.
“I will use you and anything else I think I can use to save the people that live in this camp.” He’s not mean about it; it’s a statement of fact.His priority is saving these people. What are mine? Do I have any choice other than to save myself?
“What exactly do you want, Bear?” I ask carefully.
“Stay a couple of days, talk to the people. Don’t tell them about your miracles, tell them about how normal you are and how just like them you are, and then I want you to take Jarek and Cadel, and I want you to leave.”
“You wanted us to fight before.” My voice is a harsh exhale of bitter steam, but it just rolls right off him. It’s hard to be offended when you are justified in your decisions.
“That was when everyone was going to die. Now, I want you to give them a chance to live. They will come for you, Keres. They don’t care about anyone else, but for you, they will raze mountains.”
My bitterness spills into the air, and he flinches. But he’s right, damn him. The Beta’s Fang won’t stop, and now that we can shift into wolves, they will hunt us until our heads are mounted on the citadel’s walls. Our lives have an expiration date; they always have. We just didn’t acknowledge it before.
“Mordecai is mine,” I say warily. “You can’t have him.”
“No—”
“I carry his bond!” I snap. “If we leave, I’m not leaving a bonded alpha behind.”
Bear curses. “Fine. Better you all gone than here getting everyone killed.”
He’s so quick to give up Mordecai. He must truly believe in this path, that we have to be far away. It hurts. Is there any place for us?
“I thought you were meant to be the Resistance?” There’s no accusation in my voice, just weary confusion.
“I thought so, too. But then I saw how easy it was for them to ruin us, and I realised that in order to resist, we need to survive.”
I exhale roughly, frustrated and tired. “We’ll stay a few days, and then we’ll leave.”
“Thank you.”
My thoughts race.
“Bear?”
He pauses, looking back at me.
“I forgive you for this and what happened in Foreen.”
