I want to be me
I move around the space, dodging the wet cloth that the alpha who smells like candles and roses keeps trying to rub across my skin. I pace the space and pace back again, a keening cry slipping out.
“Omega,” he coaxes.
I shake my head and snarl at him and throw myself at the wall. I bounce off it and throw myself at the other one.
“What’s wrong with her?”
The words don’t mean anything to me. Everything is wrong. This cold, hard concrete all feels wrong.
“Kaida! Kaida!” A hand grabs me, but I lash out, shoving the alpha back, snarling viciously.
He backs off, they all do, but it’s too small, it’s not enough.
I let out another whine and pull my hair.
“Nesting,” one says.
I throw myself at the walls; my feet are cold on the concrete floor. There is nothing warm about this hole. Nothing nice.
I pant and move faster until I slip, pressed up against the door, my naked body cold and hot at the same time. It hurts. I shudder and hit the door, slamming my fist against it. I pull back to hit it a second time, and there’san alpha who smells like steel and leather and mine holding my wrist in a grip I can’t escape from.
“Stop,” he growls.
My core clenches, slick running down my legs, and I shift restlessly from foot to foot. I need more; I need something. I see all the grey, hard rock and let out a sob.
It’s wrong.
All wrong.
I twist and pull, attacking the alpha holding me. I wait for his blows to fall, but he never hits me, he doesn’t stop me, he just keeps hold of one of my wrists and stops me from getting more than two feet from him.
“Please!” I hiss and toss back my hair. “Get off me. Let me go!”
Hands grab my hips from behind, dragging my ass up against something hard that throbs as it slips between my ass cheeks.
I reach down for the hand holding me, squeezing hard enough to hurt, but he doesn’t make a sound.
“I will give you a nest one day, Omega. A nest with all the fluffy material you could want. One wherever you want. I will put candles in it, anything you could desire wanting to eat, you will have the biggest, softest bed.”
I slump forward, breathing hard, a high keening spilling from my throat.
“I’m sorry, Kaida. It’s not fair, and I’m sorry it has to be like this. But we can do something about the pain. We can help you with it.” He puts his forehead to my back and touches his lips to the spot between my shoulder blades. “You deserve the moon,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.”
My stomach clenches, but I barely notice the pain. All I can do is stand there, every muscle rigid, my panting cries loud in the small space.
“It’s been a day; if we don’t find a way to reach her soon, I don’t think she’ll come out of this safely,” Mordecai says. “I’ve seen it happen before. It does something to their minds. It's one of the techniques the Path use to ruin them.”
I shudder as a hot tongue traces a wobbly line across my shoulders.
Clarity returns for a moment, but I feel far away. So far away.
“Fuck me,” I grit out. “Knot me. Even if I fight you. Keep me safe, Alphas. Don't let them break my mind. I want to be me. Don’t let them take that from me.”
“Kaida, what you’re asking us to do—”
“I know,” I hiss out. “Hold me down and fuck me, make it feel good. Know that I will want it and you even if I fight. Please, please. I’m breaking,” I hiss. “I give you permission and my very willing approval and consent. Take what I can’t give you. Protect me from my designation.”
