“It’s scary, I guess,” I mumble.
I look down to escape his gaze and gasp at the sight. There isso muchcum on me. I would definitely have gotten pregnant. I don’t think condoms can stop all this. Shit, I’ll need to go on birth control.
But that’s long-term thinking, and I’m short-term inhabiting. Fuck, I keep getting confused and I can’t afford to think like this. I can’t get attached to someone I’m never going to see again. Ace and Nai Nai want to go home. I can’t keep him from his friends. I can’t keep her from her life. And I have to be there to support them both.Theyare my family. Not him.
I push his chest gently and scoot back. “I should get home. It’s late and I have to open in a few hours.”
“Of course,” he murmurs, taking a step back.
The fiery bindings disappear from my wrists and I put my hands behind me to support myself. All my muscles are spent. I don’t know how I’m going to walk tomorrow, let alone work.
He turns to the table and grabs a bao bun out of the steamer. “You need something to eat after all that hard punishment.”
I chuckle and he hands me the bun. There’s a napkin in his other hand and he sets about cleaning me up. Affection swells in my chest as I watch him swipe everything away with smooth, deliberate strokes, cleaning me thoroughly. I could do this every night with him for the rest of my life and never want for more.
The revelation of the depth of my attachment strikes like a hammer, driving that nail of truth all the way into my brain.
How have I fallen for him so quickly?
How can I leave this behind?
He looks up at me, his eyes soft like flickering candlelight. His silence is deafening when the expression on his face screams this loud. He wants me to stay. He wantsme. He’s never wanted anything more, not even his freedom.
I can’t breathe.
“I have to go.”
I set the bun down and drop to the floor to get my clothes.
I don’t know where my panties are.
Where are they?
Fuck!
Doesn’t matter.
I grab his boxer briefs and tug them on.
“Jiahui, slow down.”
“I can’t. I need to go to sleep.”
But how the fuck am I going to sleep with this mountain sitting on my chest? The air is too thin, and I can’t get enough of it. I reach for my dress and Rhazan snatches my wrist.
“You’re hurting yourself,” he says, his voice tinged with anger. “Slow down. Breathe.”
Little stars are dancing in my vision and I realize I’m hyperventilating. I can’t stop. Not enough air.
My legs buckle and the next second, I’m in his grasp. He’s so warm, and his body feels like safety, but I can’t trust it. I can’t fall for it. Nothing is safe. No one can protect me. I have to be strong enough for myself, for all of them. I can’t let him. I can’t.
The same haunting melody he sang to me nights ago rumbles through his chest and halts the spiral in its tracks. He rocks side to side, and the gentle motions sync with my breathing. The stars recede from my vision and I close my eyes. My body stills and I latch on to the sound of him.
The sound of peace.
No thoughts enter my mind as he hums and sways like the ocean lapping the shore. My breathing follows him, and the weight on my chest slowly eases, until I’m free of it. I open my eyes to see him looking down at me with so much fondness it aches.
“You don’t have to be alone, Jiahui,” he whispers. “The things that burden your mind are not too great for me. I’m not going to disappear.”
