He pushes through the door with his head down and runs for the stairs. My chest concaves as I watch him go, unable to say anything to call him back. Unwilling to. He deserves to go upstairs and be pissed at me. I said I was going to be there, and I wasn’t.
Nai Nai comes toddling in behind him, her soft-soled shoes quiet on the worn floorboards. I take her arm without thinking. Her skin is warm and papery under my palm.
“I’m sorry I failed you,” I murmur to her in Chinese. “It was my duty to be there, and I wasn’t. I let you down.”
“We are all tired. And you are carrying more than you can hold. Even so…” Her voice is soft. She lifts her gaze to meet mine. “You must hold it.”
“I know, elder.” I nod vigorously. “Iwilldo better. I’ve set an alarm on my phone. I’ll be there for him, next time.”
“I trust you will be.”
She pats my hand and slips out of my hold, heading for the stairs. Her canetap-tap-tapsacross the floor as she goes. My throat tightens and I breathe through it.
The afternoon light is sparse. A storm is coming.
The band on my middle snaps tight again. My throat heaves a sob, but I swallow it down. I know I can’t call him. I shouldn’t.
But I don’t care.
I march back into the storeroom and press my thumb firmly on the brand on my wrist. Rhazan materializes before me in a blink, his stoic silence a boon and a gift. I collapse against him and his arms mold around my back. My body hurls silent cries into his chest, hoping that my pain is giving him what he needs.
He doesn’t speak, but his warmth swells. The heat is so intense I start to sweat, and by the time I can’t stand another second against his chest, I’m all out of tears. I pull back and look up at him.
His face is impassive. Unreadable.
I swallow hard. “There you go. Some fuel for tonight.”
He grips the side of my face in a quick, sudden movement. His talons bite into my scalp and he leans over me, pulling me in once more. My face is crushed against his chest, but I love the bite of the heat, the ache of my cheek held against his pecs.
“Youare notthe things you feel,” he says with a sure spirit. “Youare notyour thoughts.”
I suck down a deep gasp of air that fills my lungs truly for the first time since Zixin’s text.
“More, please,” I beg.
His nails stroke through my short hair. He hums, the rumble of it soothing the pain of tears behind my eyes.
“You’re not bad.”
I gulp down air. “But I forgot him.”
His grip tightens. “One act, one mistake, does not make you bad.”
“I’ve done it before,” I whimper, the air coming in too quick, too short. I know I need to breathe deeper, but I just can’t.
I can’t.
“Did you forget him in malice?”
The question grounds my thoughts. I suck down just enough air to answer out of pure indignance.
“No, of course not,” I murmur against his tear-stained shirt.
“If the roles were reversed and he forgot you, would you condemn him?”
“No, but…”
He tugs me away from his chest and our gazes lock. The black of his irises seems to glow, like an ember reigniting. Pleasant pricks drag across my scalp as he moves his hand through my hair.
