He nods. “I know what I’d be. I’ve seen it happen to my siblings. Those who refused their magical calls, they disappeared.”
“Disappeared?”
A flame lights between us and takes the shape of Rhazan.
“This is me when I’m fueled.”
It fades, becoming dimmer and thinner.
“This is what happens when I deny myself the only thing that sustains my magic.”
The fiery Rhazan flickers and dies.
“And pain is the only thing?”
He releases his grip and takes a step back.
“You’re repulsed.”
“No! I’m just…curious.”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out. A resolve comes over his features and he tucks in his shirt. “We’re wasting time. My bar opens soon, and I need to be there.”
The rejection stings, and I think he can feel it. I’m not going to be here long-term anyway, so it doesn’t matter if this ifrit spills his guts to me.
I huff out a big sigh and put his woes far from my mind. Without another word, we get to work painting the pantry in runic designs to rival most occult temples. With any luck, it’ll keep us safe. And maybe that promise of safety will keep Rhazan far from me.
I’m not sure how much more of him I can withstand.
twelve
Pain Is Power
We paint in silence for a long while before I pull out my phone and play some tunes. Each stroke of the brush infuses the space with more power, and my astral self settles, as if I’d been whispering through the space before. Now I can soar and scream, unafraid of what I might call if I do so.
When we’re finished, Rhazan barely gives me a sideways glance before disappearing between the worlds, back to his plane and his bar. The bar that he’strappedin. I wonder what that’s about.
No, I don’t. Not getting invested.
I wipe sweat from my brow with the back of my hand and tap my screen to turn off the music. I gasp, choking on shame as I notice the time. Four fifteen.
I didn’t pick up Ace or Nai Nai. I throw the paintbrush into the empty bucket and unlock my screen. Seven notifications. Shit, this is why I shouldn’t silence it!
I call Ace.
He doesn’t answer.
A band tightens around my chest and my fingers shake as I dial Nai Nai next.
She doesn’t answer either.
Shit, shit, shit!
I’m such a fuckup. Are they okay? What if they aren’t? Tears sting the backs of my eyes as I realize what’s happening. My back hits the shelves and I slide down to the floor as I temper my breathing.
Maybe everything is fine. I need to know what happened, and then I can decide how I need to be acting. Another deep breath fills my lungs and I hold it as I go through the notifications.
The Bro:out at 3:30. Getting me?
