He brushed his lips against mine gently, an unspoken promise. A vow to be there for me. That I could trust him.
Goddess above, I wanted to trust him. I wanted to let him in.
So, instead of giving in to my fears and pulling away, I snaked an arm around his neck and lifted up on my toes, pressing my body to his.
He wrapped both arms around my waist and stood to his full height, bringing me with him, lifting me off the ground.
The heat from his chest warmed me, even through our clothes. His massive wings sharpened, crisp and ready, pristine in the darkness of the caves.
We kissed like that for a long while instead of speaking. It was the best I could do for now, but every time his tongue tangled with mine, he told me he understood.
It was my strongest yes. My most desperate plea.
Help me. Help me. Help me.
When he finally returned me to my feet, with messy hair and swollen lips, I almost felt…lighter.
But then I looked in his eyes. In his hope-filled, giddy-as-all-hells eyes. The eyes that were too soft. Too kind.
Too easy for me to break.
And I remembered why I’d worked so hard to push him away. I remembered what was at stake here. What the cost of my curse was.
I wouldn’t hurt him. I wouldn’t let myself.
So instead of leaning into his touch again, instead of giving in to everything I so desperately craved, I lowered my head and stepped back. “I can’t do this, Jessiah.”
His eyes glazed over. “You can’t do what?”
“This. Whatever this is.”
It took him a second to answer, both of us standing with heavy breaths in the cool, dark caves. “Don’t do that. Don’t act like you can just throw this away like nothing happened. Don’t do this again, Rummy.”
“You don’t understand.”
“What exactly do I have to understand, then? What is it that you’re so afraid of?”
Hurting you. Killing you like I killed my mother.“You and Idon’t work, Jessiah. We’ll never work. You’re a damn angel, and I’m a nobody. You’ve said so yourself.”
His jaw clenched, and with a broken voice, one single word slipped out. “Stop.”
Before I could change my mind, I walked over to my horse and jumped on the saddle. “I’m sorry,” I sighed. “You know the truth about me now. You know about the magic I’ve been trying to hide my entire life, but that doesn’t change anything between us.” I kept my eyes forward so I didn’t have to look at the emotion I knew would be all over his face. “Let’s just go.”
With that, I choked down a sob.
And guided my horse out of the Whispering Caves.
Xavier and I stomped through the woods around us, gathering all the spare wood we could find for the fire. “I always knew there was something special about you,” he started. “I could always sense it.”
“Oh, could you?” My boots crunched over the forest terrain below us. “You somehow knew I was carrying around this horrible death magic?”
Xavier shook his head but kept walking. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve never even tried to learn the limits of yourpower. One bad accident doesn’t mean your power is only good for death.”
“Trust me, I’m pretty certain.”
We spent the next couple minutes gathering the wood in silence. I wasn’t interested in explaining to them why I was certain my magic was, in fact, a curse. I certainly wasn’t going to explain what happened—what almost happened—between me and Jessiah years ago.
Some truths were too disgusting to admit. Even to myself.
