“That’s terrific, sweetie.”
His face clouded. “I talked to Dad yesterday too. He wants me to live with him this summer and do an internship in the city, somebody he knows in some hedge fund.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Not really. I don’t want to work at a hedge fund, and Dad’s never around anyway.”
“What would you like to do? You know you can stay with me, wherever I end up, but you need some kind of job, part-time at least.” She thought of what Shelly had said about living in New York.Didshe even want to be in New York anymore? The longer she was away, the less she missed it. She never thought she’d feel that way, but the crush of people, the traffic, the noise. And her dad was here. She didn’t want to just park him somewhere andgo back to her old, harried life. Seeing him only occasionally as his memory dimmed, so that eventually he wouldn’t even be sure who she was. For a second she imagined Glenn’s reaction, the way his face would light when she said she was staying. Then her heart thudded back into place. He wouldn’t even know.
“Jack’s home from rehab,” Andrew said once they’d said hello to a neighbor walking her dog. “I want to go see him.”
“I didn’t know you’d been in touch.” Cassie looked at him in surprise.
“We’ve been texting. He has trouble with words sometimes, gets them mixed up, but he understands what’s going on.” He glanced at her. “His mom hates me.”
The boy’s mother would never forgive Andrew, Cassie understood that. Some things a parent could never get over. “What about Jack,” she said cautiously, “does he want you to come?”
“He said he did.”
“Did Janice suggest this?” She was pleased he was finally talking to someone, but Andrew needed to make this decision. If the therapist had suggested a visit, Andrew’s heart wouldn’t be in it.
He shook his head. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”
“If Jack wants to see you, you should go.” She hesitated, trying to find the right words. “But be prepared. It’s not going to be easy, and he might change his mind once you’re there. And his family probably won’t be happy to see you. You can’t go looking for forgiveness,” she said gently. “It’s not about you.”
“I know. I just want to apologize in person.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“You are?” He looked like the thought was inconceivable. He would carry this shame forever. The raw edges would seal up, but it would live inside him and shape the man he would become. He could bury it or face it. It had taken her a lifetime tolearn that. She’d run from her mother’s illness and her father’s grief. She’d withheld from Andrew and Glenn. Andrew, at least, was trying.
“Yeah.” A lump rose in her throat. “I’m proud of you.” Andrew had stumbled and was trying to right himself. She couldn’t catch him anymore; he had to do that on his own. All she could do was cheer him on.
“So when will you go?” she asked as they walked up the driveway.
“I thought I’d look at flights now, if that’s all right.”
She smiled at him. “Now is definitely all right.”
After Andrew went inside, she wandered across the field, not quite ready to go in. The grass had shot up in the last couple of days, wild with clover and dandelions. A meadow, Glenn had called it. She sat on the stone wall, but all she could think about was being here with Glenn just before she sprang the news about Weber. Her stomach wound so tight. Her fear that it would change everything, which it had.
She missed him. He lit her up like she hadn’t thought possible at her age. At any age. He’d listened to her and made her feel seen. Hehadseen her. At least what she was willing to show him. He was smart and thoughtful and sexy. She was stunned by how fast it had happened, how completely she’d fallen. But it had blown up equally fast, over before it really started.
The truth was, she ached for him. It hadn’t gotten better; it had only gotten worse. The nights were especially miserable, lying awake, wondering if he was awake too. She missed his voice, his laugh, the way his face brightened when he saw her. She wanted to share her decision not to get tested. She wanted to tell him about her conversation with Andrew and how her dad had started to improve. The small miracles that make up a life.If they didn’t speak they would leave it in a tangle of hurt and misunderstanding. And she would always regret it.
She pulled out her phone and tried him again but got voicemail. She left another message, fidgeting on the stone wall, phone in hand, in case he called back. But the only sounds were the drone of a leaf blower and the shouts of children down the street.
Finally she put her phone away and headed back to the house.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The wasps arrived in force the next day. An invading army that materialized out of nowhere and overran the bees’ puny defenses.
Andrew, out for the mail, ducked back into the house in a sweat. “They’re all over the place. I had to run!”
Cassie abandoned the tuna sandwich she’d been making for her dad. “Bees?”
“Wasps, I think.” He winced as he felt his neck. “One got me.”
