“We could take a weekend and go to Vermont, see your mom.” He felt her slipping away. They hardly touched anymore. He didn’t remember the last time they’d laughed together.
“It’s not just that. I feel hemmed in.”
His heart stalled. “What do you mean, hemmed in?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged it away. “Maybe if I sell a piece I’ll feel better.”
Sophie was accepted into a show in a local gallery, and he put a deck on the house so she could paint outside. But she was still disengaged. Uninterested in Lilah’s new tooth, impatient when the baby fussed. She flew to Colorado to visit a college friend and came back gushing about how beautiful the mountains were.
“I missed you,” he said, reaching for her. The house had been too quiet, and she hadn’t called once. She said she was beat and bought him off with a kiss on the cheek.
Awake in bed, he wondered if she’d slept with someone else. If she would.
She stayed for Lilah’s fourth birthday, but by then she’d already checked out. They were sitting on the deck when she told him. End of August, the days shortening. Lilah stuffed with cake, already asleep.
“I can’t do it anymore,” Sophie said.
“What do you mean?” But he knew with a sickening certainty what she meant. “What about Lilah?”
“You’re so much better with her than I am.”
“We’ll get you more help. A nanny. Whatever you need. I know we’ve hit a rough spot, but we’ve been married nine years. You have a four-year-old. How can you just leave?” He heard himself pleading, the futility of it. He would have opened a vein to get her to stay.
In the near dark, a lone firefly floated up from the grass. Fewer of them now in the waning days of summer. “I’m going to Colorado. I’ll stay with Jenny for a while, then we’ll see.”
“We’llsee?”His wife was leaving. The mother of his child. The woman he’d loved for better or worse all of his adult life. “That’s all you can say, we’ll see?”
She finally turned to look at him. “It’s not working, Glenn. It hasn’t worked for a long time. I know you see it.”
She gave his shoulder a squeeze as she went inside but he wasn’t quick enough to shake her off, and he burned with shame that his body still leaped at her touch.
Now, he tossed back the rest of his coffee as Lilah pelted down the stairs, hair flying, shoes in hand. She came to a dead stop when she saw her mother.
Sophie took a step forward, then appeared unsure what to do next. “Oh my God, you’re so big. I never imagined you’d be so big.”
“Hey Mom.” Lilah’s face had done something complicated, rearranging itself into a mixture of wariness and unfiltered hope. “I tried to wait up.” She shot Glenn an accusing look, still miffed he hadn’t let her.
He’d forgotten how much Lilah looked like Sophie, or hadn’t wanted to see. But he couldn’t miss it with the two of them together. Lilah was still all arms and legs, but the face was Sophie’s. The bone structure, the delicate nose. Lilah had resembled him more when she was young but now she was all Sophie. Except for the eyes. At least she had his eyes. Not Sophie’s dazzling blue. His and Lilah’s were a sturdy gray.
Sophie opened her arms. “Can I give you a hug?”
Lilah nodded but when Sophie enfolded her, she stiffened, unwilling or unable to put her arms around her mother. When she squirmed away, Glenn felt a small swell of satisfaction, which quickly curdled to shame. This wasn’t some competition; it was Lilah they were talking about.
“How long are you here for?” Lilah hadn’t touched her cereal, she couldn’t tear her eyes from her mother. She ate up Sophie the way you’d devour birthday cake.
“A few days. I’m heading to Vermont to see your grandmother and thought you might want to come.” Sophie said this comfortably, like it was the most natural thing in the world to show up after eight years and whisk your daughter away.
“Grandma?” For a moment, Lilah looked confused.
“Your other grandmother,” Glenn said.
“Um, I don’t know.” Lilah glanced uncertainly at Glenn. He tried to keep his face neutral, but Lilah could read him.
“We can talk about it later,” Sophie said easily.
Lilah looked between them, a sudden worry creasing her face. “I have to catch the bus, but I’ll see you after school. You’ll be around right?”
“Absolutely.” Sophie beamed. “We’ll catch up then.”
