For years, she and Phil had been on the same page when it came to Andrew. Phil, absent so much, had deferred to her. But college, and maybe divorce, had shifted the dynamic and now in ways big and small Phil constantly undermined her.
“I wish he’d get out of that frat house. I want him to find somewhere else to live in the fall.” She knew this was a losingbattle. He’d pledged the same fraternity as Phil, and the two of them had formed an unholy bond over it.
“Let’s take it one step at a time. Right now, he needs to get through this hearing.”
“Is he allowed any kind of counsel, at least?”
“No. It’s not a legal proceeding. He just needs to go in there, tell the truth and show remorse. He’s never been in any trouble, so hopefully they’ll let him off with a warning.”
“What if they don’t?” She still had an uneasy feeling Andrew hadn’t told her everything. But she didn’t want to prod him and make him defensive. She’d never get anything out of him that way.
“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Phil was beginning to sound impatient. He wasn’t one to worry endlessly, he was a fixer. Identify the problem and take care of it. But she knew from experience that some things weren’t fixable. “It’s not going to do Andrew any good if you’re a mess,” he said. “That’s probably why he’s not answering his phone.”
“I’mnota mess. You just said they’re looking for someone to blame. What if he gets expelled?”
Phil exhaled into the phone. “If he’s smart that won’t happen.”
“Since when are nineteen-year-olds smart?” She adored her son, but no college kid had any judgment. At that age, she’d plunged into one relationship after another, numbing herself with parties and boys to avoid thinking about what was happening at home. Too painful to hear her mom’s silence on the phone, already hard for her to follow a conversation with someone she couldn’t see. Her dad tried to cover, but her mother’s silence swallowed every word. At least Andrew had two functioning parents. For the time being, at least.
“I have a meeting in ten,” Phil said. “I’ll call if I hear from him.” He hung up, which made her feel cheated. At least he could have said goodbye.
She tried Andrew again, but of course he didn’t pick up. He was on Mom Alert now. He would never answer.
...
Her father was parked in his usual spot in front of the TV when she got home.
“So I thought we could do this together,” she said, showing him the puzzle. She expected him to scoff, but he looked it over carefully.
A memory rose up, fully formed. Heartbreaking in its specificity. “Remember, Mom used to make popcorn when we did puzzles. I always wanted extra butter, but Shelly only liked salt. We had to have separate bowls.”
A smile came to him. “I remember. Your mother spoiled you girls.”
“I miss her,” Cassie said.
His voice was quiet. “Me too.”
She drew up a chair and set a tentative hand on his. His skin was paper thin, almost translucent with delicate blue veins showing through. “I’m sorry that I haven’t been very good about coming home.”
He inclined his shoulder slightly. “You have your work, you’re busy.”
“No. I live close by. I should have been better about visiting.” Something unexpected welled up inside her. “I’m going to be better from now on, okay?”
He was silent and she felt a sinking despair. It was too late, she’d squandered the chance to repair their relationship. Allthese years when she could have come and didn’t. She hadn’t even called very often. It would have taken so little.
Then, his hand closed around hers and the gentle pressure brought tears to her eyes. Her mother was gone, but her father had been here all these years. Sitting in this same chair, his hands smooth and warm and reassuring. She could have come any time, and he would have been happy to see her. In spite of everything he was happy to see her now.
They sat this way for a minute, and when he released her hand she felt a sudden loss. “Did you have a snack while I was out?” She collected an empty cereal bowl from the coffee table, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat.
“Hmm?” He’d turned back to the TV and was absorbed in the news again.
She set down the bowl. “Dad?”
“What’s that?” He lowered the volume a little.
“We need to find another housekeeper now that Elena’s not coming anymore.”
“Who said she’s not coming?”
