“That makes no sense,” I challenge Ash, not accepting his answer.
“I knew the other male judge would do whatever was needed to invest in Simon. The guy’s portfolio is full of companies that have done significant damage to this planet. He’s looking for a fast track to save his soul for all the poor choices he’s made. And he’s made a lot. Best U Man is his silver bullet to redemption.”
“That may be true, but it doesn’t explain why you got in on the bidding.” I catch a big flaw in Ash’s semiplausible explanation.
“I figured the more money I could get Simon by engaging in a bidding war I intended to lose, the greater the chance that he would move on with his life and leave you alone. Leave you for me.”
“So, you set Simon up for success, but allowed me to bomb in front of my mom, my friends, and America, so you could have me all to yourself?”
“I did,” Ash admits without a touch of remorse, and damn if it’s not a little bit sexy. “It was a strategic move.”
“How was you buzzing me a strategic move?” I scoff, but feel my iciness start to melt.
“I really thought the remaining female judge would invest in you. I was sure it was a done deal.”
“You thought wrong.”
“And I feel terrible about that, you have no idea.” Ash’s eyes plead with me to believe him. “Listen, Antonia. I was going to invest inBrown Butter, Baby!, but that night in Santa Monica made me realize just how much I was invested in you.”
“You buzzed me, Ash!The least you could have done was help me save face by keeping your hand off the buzzer and throwing me a lowball offer.”
“I couldn’t!” he asserts. “Early on the producers figured out you and Simon were married, and they wanted to take advantage of it. They insisted that before I made any kind of offer, I ask about Simon and your relationship with him. The producers were looking to drum up some drama for the finale. That’s why they were so willing to put you on the show and slated you last. They had this whole scenario planned to boost ratings.”
“What?! Why didn’t you let me know?”
“I didn’t even know ahead of time! During the break when the stagehands were setting up your displays, the producers pulled me aside and laid it all out. When I balked, they suggested one of the other judges could air your private business since you and I are friends,” Ash explains.
“That’s still to be determined.”
Ash meets my contention with an eye roll.
“I didn’t want anyone creating drama at your expense, so I told the producers I would do it,” Ash says, contrite. “And then I didn’t.”
“Oh, so you’re a hero now?” I retort.
“No,” Ash answers, hanging his head. “I’m not a hero. And I’m not a judge anymore either. They canned me right after the show.”
I’m shocked that my ordinary life created such an extraordinary outcome onInnovation Nation.
“And I don’t care that they fired me. I would have quit anyway. People are more important to me than money, Antonia. They always have been.”
“I-I get that,” I stutter, not wanting to come across as callous but knowing valuing people over money is easy for someone who has always had both.
As if he has read my mind, Ash adds, “It is possible to have both.” I hope to one day find out for myself that the two are not mutually exclusive. “Listen, I know you’re pissed, and I am sorry about that. But can you give me one more minute?”
That better not be my apology.
Ash unties his scarf and reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket. “I wanted to hand-deliver this. It’s for the start to your new year.” He holds out a standard white business envelope but keeps the box with a simple lavender ribbon tied around it.
Catching me looking at the present, Ash urges, “Read the letter.”
September 6
I don’t even get past the date without looking back up at Ash, awestruck. The letter was written the day after filmingInnovation Nation. A shiver ripples through my chest, accompanied by a hitch in my throat.
Dear Antonia,
Over the years I have shared with you many of the abiding aphorisms that kept me going in challenging times. I know they often went in one ear and out the other, written off as trite clichés from an old woman of a generation long past its prime. But I noticed you wrote one or two down in your notebook. I hope when future circumstances call for it, you will pass them on to your girls compliments of a dear friend.
