I put myOut of Office; in an emergency, contact admissions assistant, Roan Dawsonmessage on my e-mail and say a prayer that Roan doesn’t quit after being left to deal with Nan’s misplaced post-party wrath since I’m out of town. While I wish we were on our way to Dartmouth, I’ll take anything across the country to get me out of town at this exact moment. I write myself a note in my phone to give Roan a raise when I get back, that is, if I have a job. And maybe beg him mercilessly not to take another job and leave me alone at Fairchild. If I get canned it’s going to be unbearable, but if I get to stay, that very well may be unbearable, too.
On the plane Aunt Viv adjusts her neck pillow, puts her magazines in the back of the seat in front of her, shoves a new tissue up her sleeve, and pops in a mint. Settled in, she places her hand over mine and lifts our entwined fingers to give them a kiss, something she hasn’t done since I was little and gripped in some sort of childhood nightmare. “We have a big couple of days ahead of us, Josie. Let’s close our eyes and rest up, we’ll need our energy.” Aunt Viv moves my hand to her cheek. “This trip is going to be a great reminder of the lengths we will go to for our family, the ones we love most. Through the good and the bad, you and Etta mean everything to me.” Aunt Viv doesn’t open her eyes but lays my hand back in my lap. Her face twitches and her body jerks as she drifts off to sleep. It’s not like Aunt Viv to get all philosophical and lovey. Something seems to be weighing heavy on her mind, but I have no idea what since the party is over and Nan’s unmentionable behavior does not seem to be registering any weight with her. With Aunt Viv asleep, I reach under the seat and pull out her purse. Using the dexterity of asurgeon I riffle through her bag looking for any sort of clue to her unnatural sentimental behavior. Etta watches me and I’m sure she’s going to cry thief and startle Aunt Viv awake, but instead she puts out her hand for a piece of gum.
I come up empty-handed. I envy Aunt Viv as she sleeps soundly. I’m not sure she fully understands the damage I’ve done with the casual touch of the send button, but it seems she’s willing to leave the drama of San Francisco behind and set her sights on the adventure ahead. I, on the other hand, have already bitten every cuticle down to its nub.
“Mama, don’t be so nervous, I promise I’ll be okay tomorrow,” Etta assures me as she watches me dig into my thumb bed.
“I know you will, baby.” I smile across Aunt Viv at my grown-up little girl. But will I be okay?That’s the real question.
•••
Yesterday’s arrival in New York went smoothly, but today is Etta’s reckoning day. As our cab pulls up to Lincoln Center we step into a world of endless possibilities. That’s how I remember feeling about New York City when I first arrived twenty-one years prior; watching Etta full of awe as she heads to the front doors of Juilliard is the greatest of déjà vus. Only, while I was unsure of what I could or could not ask of this limitless world as a young black woman, Etta is nobody’s fool. She walks with poise, her taut muscles flexing through her blush-pink tights. Her bun is near perfection, my refusal to tame her lion’s mane at Jean Georges’s request, a distant memory. Her shoulders are set with purpose. It takes all my restraint to not point out to the strangers walking by that the essence of power and grace that just glided past them is my daughter comin’ to get what she came for. There may be plenty of things I haven’t done right, but that... that girl right there, I did that right.
LOLA
I have three minutes alone before the enemy line infiltrates my classroom from recess and I’m a goner. How’s the audition going? I’m dying here I can’t stand it. Holla. Lo
9:42 A.M.
JOSIE
I don’t know how it’s going in there, they won’t let parents in.
9:43 A.M.
LOLA
Imagine that, dance moms not allowed.
9:43 A.M.
JOSIE
You know I’m not a dance mom Lo.
9:44 A.M.
LOLA
Yet. But if they don’t take Etta God help that director of admissions. How’s Aunt Viv?
9:44 A.M.
JOSIE
A wreck. She went to get coffee and take a walk around Lincoln Center. I don’t think she can handle the pressure. And she might be nervous for this afternoon. We’re all meeting the director of admissions before Etta’s interview. Can you believe the director of admissions at a college wants to meet the family of each applicant? Seems overkill for college, if you ask me. Do you think they’re trying to sniff out helicopter parents?
9:46 A.M.
LOLA
For 70K a year nothin’s overkill. Call me when you hear about our girl. And don’t think you’re off the hook about Ty. Must hear more...
9:52 A.M.
While I wait alone in the vast, contemporary atrium I scroll through my phone to check e-mail. Before I touch the envelope icon I make myself a promise only to read, not respond. My emotions are still too hot from the weekend and if I answer even one e-mail my out-of-office cover will be blown and Saturday night’s fiasco will be relentlessly staring me down.
Roughly sixty e-mails line up like little soldiers waiting for me to run inspection. I knew it was only a matter of time before the floodgates opened. The subject on Meredith’s intrigues me enough to chance opening it though I thought Saturday night had put an end to our short-term relationship.
