EDUCATION CONSULTANT
ADMIT INTERNATIONAL, HONG KONG
Every year during tours parents ask me what are the biggest trends I am seeing in private school admissions. I don’t tell them the truth. It would be too deflating and, frankly, possibly make me sound a bit racist. But here it is. Mad-rich Asians who are gunning for an Ivy League college education so they can return home to Shanghai, Beijing, or Shenzhen and build multibillion-dollar companies in the wild, wild East that is currently the economic climate in China. TheChinese are moving to the West Coast in droves, gobbling up the best real estate with cash, and flooding private schools with the equivalent of professional students. The wealth of the parents and the drive of the children are astounding. I get at least one or two e-mails from a Chinese education consultant a week. A few years ago, I thought these e-mails were a scam, but after a three-year trend of more than twenty families applying to Fairchild a year from China, this is no scam, this trend is the real deal. I search my sent box for a similar reply I wrote a few weeks ago to another consultant from Shenzhen—copy, paste, and send. I know in less than twelve hours I will receive a perfectly manicured application from Helen Wu on behalf of the Liu family.
Roan blows into my office in a flurry.
“They’re here! How do I look? Would you cheat on your husband with me if you were Golden Boy? Or maybe Golden Boy has a gay Golden brother?” Roan has temporarily gone insane thinking he’s at the club with his friends and not talking to his boss. I love it.
“Slow down there, Grinder Greg. You’re at work. Pull yourself together. And more important, pretend you have some sense in that head and don’t embarrass me.” I stand up to straighten my blouse and adjust a few locks so you can see a hint of my glittering chandelier earrings. There’s little better than being showered with clothing compliments from a couple of queens. “Bring Mama some gold!” I strut over to pose by the couch, feeling my stock rise.
“Terrible play on words.” Roan smirks and exits my office. My stock plummets. I thought it was pretty good.
“Josie, nice to see you again.” Daniel walks in first, clearly excited to get the interview started. “Please pardon Ty, he rushed here from the hospital and didn’t have time to change out of his scrubs. He told me about the coincidence of being your aunt’s doctor. I hope she’s doing well, or at least getting better.”
“Thank you for asking. She is back at school and close to being100 percent her old self. And no need to apologize for your husband, there are no admission points given for best dressed.” Daniel and Ty smile at me. I allow for a pause after the easy opening that I lobbed them for a compliment on my outfit. Not a peep. Really? Nothing? No comment on how utterly fabulous I look? How can they be gay and have nothing to say, not even on the shoes? I’ve been spoiled by Roan, who notices everything about me. The good and the bad.
“I see Aunt Viv delivered on her promise. I haven’t eaten since five a.m. Hope it’s okay if I dive right in.” Not waiting for an invitation to help himself, Golden Boy grabs a napkin and the two biggest pieces of coffee cake. He devours the first piece in two bites, a trickle of cinnamon crumbs decorating my carpet. How does he eat like that and look like this? I glance away for a moment to give him privacy to wipe his mouth.
“Please have a seat. I’d love to hear how you two met and a little about your family and what the three of you like to do together.” I launch into my standard opening interview question, but with the added twist of wanting to know how these two guys who seem so very, very different got together.
“We meft throu my sistar,” Ty shares, spreading powdered sugar shrapnel everywhere as piece number two disappears. I could have waited to hear that boring version of their love story until after he finished chewing. I notice Daniel is dying a slow death in the chair next to him.
“You’ll have to excuse my sleep-deprived husband. He’s been on call for the past two days. What he means to say is that his sister, Caroline, introduced us. Caroline works for Salesforce, and they were at an early Dreamforce event together. I think it was 2010. Stevie Wonder and Will.i.am played. They were amazing. Do you know who Will.i.am is?”
I let the question hang in the air, allowing Daniel time to realize how ridiculous it is. I want so badly to say, “Why, no, I don’t,” butinstead I choose to behave. Crimson rises from his shirt collar and discolors his face.
“Please continue with the story...” I say when I think I have tortured him long enough with silence.
“Ty had spent the past ten years in medical school and in fellowships and hadn’t had much time socializing in the real world. Caroline brought him along to try to sharpen his dulled social skills. I saw them across the room staring at me just as I was staring at them; both Caroline and Ty are strikingly good-looking. When Caroline finally caught me glancing their way she marched right over and asked me outright if I was single. And then she burst out in a laugh so loud you would have thought it impossible coming from such a petite human being. Ty dared her to come over and meet me out of the blue. I think he owed her twenty dollars after that. Can you believe meeting me was worth only twenty dollars?”
“To be fair, in 2010 twenty dollars was a lot of money for a poor doctor a few years out of medical school drowning in student debt,” Ty defends himself, reaching for one more chunk of coffee cake. Daniel slaps his forearm before he can fondle a third piece.
“Since Dream Force 2010 the three of us have been pretty inseparable.” Daniel pats Ty’s leg a little too aggressively.
“Three meaning you, Ty, and Gracie?” I ask quizzically. The math doesn’t add up for me, Gracie is only four and a half.
“No me, Ty, and Caroline.”
“And why is it you would like Gracie to attend Fairchild Country Day?” I decide the relationship topic has been exhausted and it’s time to return to the script and learn more about Gracie and their hopes for her as a potential Fairchild student.
“Caroline’s the one who wants it,” they both say at the same time.
A-ha. A real twist in the Golden family history has presented itself. “Wow, so your sister has quite a big influence when it comes to Gracie’s education?” I ask, fishing for the real story. My guess isthat the sister is the biological mom who donated her eggs. Or maybe she didn’t donate her eggs maybe she cooked Gracie for nine months herself. So then she must be Daniel’s daughter for sure. It certainly wouldn’t be Ty’s kid, right? Would that be incest or just really, really messed up?
“She has a strong influence over everything when it comes to Gracie,” Ty blurts out but gives me no more information. “You have no idea.” Daniel sneaks Ty a sly evil eye, not happy with the direction the interview is going. It’s clear they have no interest in taking this part of the conversation further.
“Oh, I know about strong-willed aunts, remember I have Aunt Viv.”
“Yeah, well, Aunt Viv and my sister, Caroline, could go toe to toe, trust me. They are well matched.” Ty leans in to high-five me. A first in a parent interview. Daniel can’t help but nod in agreement reaching for Ty’s hand, embarrassed by his husband’s high-five attempt.
I like the dads. While I find their honesty refreshing, I can tell by the beads of sweat at Daniel’s hairline he is sure Ty has blown it for them. I fake check my watch and tell the Goldens that I have a lunch I have to get to but that I have enjoyed our time spent together enormously. Daniel looks relieved when I put my arm around his shoulders and walk with him to the door. I leave Golden Boy to follow behind us. I want to assuage any doubt Daniel may have about their parental performance by giving him a little extra physical assurance, which is a big deal for me because, as an overall rule, I don’t touch people I don’t really know. Call it a germ thing, call it an energy suck thing, all I know is: If I touched every parent who came into my office on edge, or left my office having completely nosedived off a ledge during an interview, I would be a walking petri dish.
“I really appreciate your time today, Josie. We hope to see you again soon,” Daniel says, the color having returned to his cheeks.
“Yep, what he said,” Ty mumbles, breezing by me having snaggedtwo more pieces of Aunt Viv’s coffee cake when Daniel wasn’t looking. I can’t help but think if that guy made it into Cornell not once, but twice for undergrad and medical school, Etta for sure has a solid chance. Overall, that was thirty minutes well spent. By the end I think Daniel turned a corner and again feels good about Gracie’s kindergarten prospects. Similarly, I am feeling better and better about Etta’s chances of nailing the college game given my time with Ty.
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