“Hey,princesa.” He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close.
“I got rocks,” she said, opening the purse and letting him see her collection.
I met up with them. “Are you okay?” I asked him.
“Not really,” he answered, not bothering to look up.
“I’m so sorry, Javier.”
He said nothing in response, but he did release Aleesa and pull his legs out of the water so he could stand.
“I will take care of Aleesa for the rest of the day, yeah?” he said, finally. “I might take her out for some lunch or something, and I can also handle her tonight.” He gazed at his daughter with the saddest eyes. “I just want to spend as much time with her as I can. Hopefully it will distract me.”
“Okay.” I rubbed his arm, and he finally met my eyes. “I understand. I’ll be around. Just let me know if you need me.”
He gave me a weak smile, then quickly picked Aleesa up and carried her into the house.
Javier did take her to lunch and returned about two hours later. He seemed so numb. Any conversation his mom or sister tried to have always resulted in him answering with one word. He zoned out for the majority of the day unless Aleesa did something to draw his attention to the present.
He didn’t bother eating dinner. I had to bring him water bottles just to make sure he was staying hydrated. It was almost as if he feltnothing. He was quickly becoming this shell of a person that I hardly recognized. It was heartbreaking to witness. No one would have blamed him for pouring out all he felt. If anything, we’d have joined him.
When it was Aleesa’s bedtime, Javier did as he said he would and handled it. I gave him some space when he took her upstairs, but after a good twenty minutes, when I realized he was still up there, I got off the couch and searched for him.
I checked his bedroom first, thinking maybe he’d gone to lie down after putting Aleesa to sleep. His bedroom was vacant. I went to Aleesa’s room next. The door was partially cracked, but I saw him in there.
Normally, Javier would lie with Aleesa in her bed if he hung around, but this time he was squatting in front of her bed, with one hand on her arm as she slept. He stared at his daughter for a while, then he lifted something that was in his hands to look at it. It was too dark to figure out what it was he was holding. All I knew was that as soon as he laid eyes on it, he cupped his mouth and suppressed a loud sob.
His body shuddered with the quiet cry. I could tell he didn’t want to wake Aleesa up, but he also didn’t want to leave her side. He was breaking. Breaking into a million pieces.
Everything in me felt like it’d unraveled, seeing him this way. My heart ached for him—this man who had lived such a hard life. I was certain he didn’t deserve any of this, and yet he was faced with test after test. Loss after loss.
When he fell on his knees, with his head bowed, still sobbing, I pushed the door open and met him at his side, dropping on my knees as well and wrapping both arms around him.
I pulled him toward me, wanting to comfort him, to show him that I was there—that he had support and would make it through this hard time. He didn’t resist me. His face fell into my chest, and I held him close as his tears dampened my shirt.
This was such a quiet, painful cry. I could feel all his hurt coursing through his body, all the agony, all the pent-up frustrations swirling through him and escaping through his tears.
My eyes welled with tears too. I blinked them away, doing my best to stay strong for him. I glanced at Aleesa, who was still sound asleep, and then lowered my gaze.
The object Javier was holding was a picture frame. And inside the frame was an image of him giving the camera a tired yet proud smile while holding in his arms a swaddled baby in a pink cap.
The photo was taken right here in this very room.
This time around, I couldn’t hold back.
I let my tears fall and hugged him tighter.
Thirty-Six
Javier
“I can’t believe I am here.” I groaned, dragging a palm over my face as I sat in the waiting area of the law firm office.
Cat sighed beside me, folding her arms.
It had hurt to see Rafael’s name spelled out as Aleesa’s biological father on that paper. To have that truth shoved in my face like that was painful, especially when all these years, I’d thought I had doneonething right. That one thing being Aleesa. The light of my life. A gift for every single one of my days. I thought I had truly helped create her, down to the DNA.
This truth changed nothing for me, though.
