Okay. Maybe I had been avoiding him a little. After that conversation with Davina, it had really struck me that there was something more I was feeling for Javier. It wasn’t just lust. We’d only had sex twice—and yes, those two times wereincredible—but even before that, I’d felt something.
Thissomethinghad been deeper and much more intricate, and I think sleeping with him had solidified that somehow. Add onto that the fact that he was so quick to defend and protect me from Luther, and yes ... I was feeling things for this man that I didn’t want to explore again.
A part of what made me hesitant was that I wasn’t sure I could trust another man after Luther had shown his true colors. How could I like—or evenlove—another person when I was such a terrible judge of character?
I had been so blinded by love and all its audacity with Luther. How could I let someone else in when the idea of falling for them was so terrifying? What if Javier lost interest in me? Or he noticed more of my flaws and pointed them out like Luther had? What if he decided I wasn’t worth wantingmorewith?
My feelings were caught up in this difficult web, and I didn’t know how to free them. That was a little nerve-racking to realize—knowing my feelings could be dictated by someone else’s again. Knowing my emotions were no longer just ...mine.
I cared about Javier. I caredtoo much, when all this could come crashing down around me at any given moment. So, to me, keeping a distance felt like the smart thing to do. Distance was best for clarity’s sake ...
However, my sister was right. Trying to avoid what I really felt was making me miserable. I missed him and found it so damned hard to accept that.
“Okay, fine.” I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m sorry if it feels like I’ve been avoiding you.”
“You have,” he replied. Then he smiled and lifted a hand to stroke my chin. “But it is okay. Let’s just start over.”
“Davina says I should just let this thing between us take its course ...”
His hand stopped mid–chin stroke. “You told Davina about us? That we have slept together?”
“Yes,” I responded warily. “She’s my sister. I trust her with my life. Is that a bad thing?”
“Well, no ... but now I know for a fact that Deke knows and he’s going to rub it in my face the next time I see him. Ay Dios.”
I huffed a laugh. “Oh, you can count on that.”
He smiled, running the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip. “How about this ...” He curled that same hand around the back of my neck. “We start fresh. We go about this with little-to-no expectations. In fact, we do not ever have to talk about what we expect again. As you said, we can just let this take its course. See where it goes. Okay?”
I nodded, relieved to hear that. “Okay.”
“And tonight, we will eat dinner, I will take you and Aleesa to the nearest bookstore, and we will hang out in the hotel the rest of the night. When she falls asleep, you and I can watch a movie, or play a card game, or whatever you want to do to make yourself comfortable.”
“Okay, now I know you’re just trying to get laid again,” I teased. “What womanwouldn’tlove the sound of that?”
His lips curved into a smile. He studied me intently, as if he were searching for all the answers to his problems and hoping to find them within me.
“I do not want you to be afraid of being honest with me, Octavia.” His voice was deep and soft. “I do not know all of what that hijo-de-puta ex of yours did to you, but I am not him. Okay? I willneverhurt you.”
Every single part of me warmed up to his words. I wanted so badly to cry. He had no idea how much that meant to me to hear.
“It’s hard for me to be honest with people these days,” I admitted. “And I don’t know if I can actually trustthis.” I used my hand to gesture between us.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because all of this can come to an end, Javier. Do you really think we’re going to be able to do this forever? Sleep around? Pretend what we’re doing is no big deal? Eventually, Aleesa will go to school and she won’t need me as much anymore.”
“ButIwill.” His voice was sure, confident—as if he didn’t need to think about it. As if it had always been right there, on the tip of his tongue. My heart thumped quickly again.
Listen, I’d developed a lack of trust in people—especially men—but Javier was slowly restoring my faith. I wanted to fall to my knees for this man.
“I do not want you to go anywhere anytime soon,” he told me. “I want youhere. I want to be around you for as long as I can, and if that sounds selfish, I do not care. So do not worry about the future. Focus on what is happening for us right now. Yeah?”
I swallowed all my emotions down, refusing to ruin this tender moment with my tears.
His words were so powerful, though.
So sweet.
