But, again, we couldn’t. Damn it. Turning him away was going to ruin me.
“We shouldn’t,” I finally told him, coming to my senses.
He stared down at me and immediately started nodding, dark strands of hair tumbling onto his forehead. “Yes. You are right. I—sorry. You are right.”
He climbed off the bed and combed his fingers through his hair.
“It’s just Aleesa,” I added as I sat up, hoping he would understand.
Fortunately, he did. He nodded again. “Yes, Aleesa. We cannot ruin this for her. She enjoys having you here way too much. And I do not want you to look at me differently.”
“I wouldn’t look at you differently,” I murmured. “But I’m afraidyouwould. Or that if you met someone in the near future, you’d let me go as your nanny because of what we did. And ... I really like my job.” I shrugged innocently, hoping those reasons were enough.
His dark eyes landed on me. “I do not plan on meeting anyone in the future.” His words were final. As if he knew what all his life had in store for him.
I huffed a laugh. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. I do not wish to meet anyone. I do not think I will ever marry again. It is all just too ... complicated.”
Hmm. I could relate. Still, I blinked at him, unsure what to say to that.
“But like I said, you are right. We should absolutelynotdo this,” he said, more to himself than to me.
When he sat on the edge of the bed, I slid forward so I could climb off. The moment was over. The electricity was fizzling away. It was time for me to go.
I tugged my dress down before pushing loose strands of my locs over my shoulders.
We gazed at each other. The room fell to a calming silence.
A slice of moonlight took up half the room, bathing his broad shoulders, dark hair, and part of his firm jaw in silvery light.
I should’ve walked away.
Right out that door.
And it was like he was telling me to do it—to just go. Because if I didn’t, something would happen that neither of us could control.
But then he stood up and inched closer, examining every detail of my face. He towered above, locking eyes with mine. Heat radiated off his body, warming me up, luring me in.
“Go, Octavia.” He whispered it like it was a warning.
“Okay,” I whispered back, even though everything in me was dying to stay.
But I had to go.Right now.
I turned around, ready to make my way to the door and escape all the heat and desire swelling in his room.
Before I could, though, Javier caught my wrist, twisted me around, and muttered, “Fuck it.”
Then he kissed me again.
Eighteen
Javier
I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Sheneededto go ... but why couldn’t I let her?
I had her in my hands now, her soft face clasped in mine, her supple golden-brown skin beneath the pads of my fingers. She tasted like remnants of tequila and lime, and I wanted to drink it all away.
