“He said something once about his mother having trapped his father with a baby,” I say. “But he never gave me any details.”
“Did you ask for details?”
I frown at that. “Why would I ask? If he doesn’t want to tell me, he doesn’t want to tell me. I’m not his damn psychiatrist.”
I stop talking when I realize how bitchy I sound. I wonder if this is how I sound to Alex’s ears, too. I cringe at the thought of it.
“Do you love him?” Elizabeth asks. “Like, really, really love him?”
A painful sob gets stuck in my chest, and I rob at the spot right above my heart.
“I told him that I loved him.”
In fact, it was more than once. He never said it back, not even in his most vulnerable moments.
“I really think there’s a reason he’s been coming back to you for all these years. The fact that he can’t stay away has to mean something…”
Elizabeth continues talking, completely unaware of the storm brewing in my head. I agree that Alex coming back is important, but at the same time, he kills a small part of my soul every time he leaves again.
“I can’t take it anymore.” My voice is barely audible. “He keeps on leaving me, and every time he does, I tell myself that it’s for the last time. But then, he decides that he can’t leave without me. As it turns out, that feeling is short lived.”
I don’t realize that I’m crying until I touch my face. My cheeks are wet and warm to the touch.
“I can’t live like this, Lizzie,” I sob. “I am struggling with everything. I work all these hours, and I can’t even tell him that I am tired because he’ll think I’m hinting that I want him to give me money.” I push my hair up. “He’s got this obsession where he thinks everyone is out to get his money.”
“Oh my gosh, why didn’t you say anything?” she admonishes me. “I can send you money. I…”
“Lizzie,” I snap at her, tears all but forgotten. “That’s not what I’m trying to tell you, girl!”
“I know, but if you need money…”
“I don’t need your money! I don’t need anyone’s money! I just need someone to love me for me and not think I want them for their money!”
I am once again raising my voice. But I feel so much better. I got it all off my chest, and now I am done. I will live my life with no regrets. Something that Alex Connors will never be able to say.
“Okay, I need to go to bed now.”
Elizabeth’s laughter floats over the line. “What? Just like that?”
“Yes.” I sniffle, then wipe under my nose with the sleeve of my sweater. “All this talk about my feelings exhausted me. And I need to be up really early for work, so…”
“Please let me send you some money…”
“Girl,” I snap. “I will kick your ass. I’ll move out of state before I accept money from anyone other than my employer.”
She gasps in shock. “Where would you even go?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug as I throw things at the wall, see what sticks. “I could move out to Arizona…”
“Arizona?” she gasps again. “What’s in Arizona?”
I open my arms wide like she can see me. “I don’t know, warmth and sunshine. Besides, my mother lives there.”
“Oh, I forgot about that.” She sounds sad, which doesn’t make any sense considering she moved out of state the first chance she got.
“You want me to move to Texas so I can be closer to you instead?”
I’m only kidding. Her gasp of excitement tells me I guessed correctly.
