“I’m Julian Lewis.”
“You played me,” she accuses.
My first instinct is to deny it. But the hurt in her eyes makes me realize that she is right. I did play her, but I didn’t have any ill intentions in doing so.
“Kyle told me you were on theHolidatesapp.” I might as well start with the beginning. “And I panicked.”
Mona rolls her eyes at me. “He ended up in one of my notifications from them. I thought he might tell you about it, but I didn’t think you’d try to sabotage my life through it.”
My mouth drops open. “Sabotage your life?” I am as incredulous as I look. “I just wanted you to talk to me. I tried calling your cell phone, you had me blocked. I tried calling you at work, I ended up with your voicemail every single fucking time.”
“Because I didn’t want to talk to you,” she yells. “Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Very,” I yell back. “But I never imagined you’d block my emails, too. And you’d block me on social media. You blocked me every-fuckin’-where!”
She pokes me in the chest. “I was done with you!”
“Obviously not,” I deadpan. “Because look at us now. We’re starting over, and this time, it’ll be different.”
Mona rolls her eyes, anger and disdain clear on her features. “It’s always the same, Alex.” She drops her head into her hands. “I can’t believe I fell for this shit. I’m so stupid.”
I reach to touch her hair. “You’re not stupid at all. But you can’t deny that our bond is unbreakable.”
Her face becomes a blank mask. “You did it all just to have sex with me.” It’s not a question but rather a statement.
“It’s never been just about sex, Mona.” I look away in shame when she gives me a knowing look. “Not this time,” I admit. “But I’ve never been able to stay away from you. I know I fucked it all up before, but I finally understand why. And I want to change. I want you to be my forever.”
My mouth feels dry, and swallowing takes effort. I never in my life to date imagined that’d ever utter these words to a woman. I am scared of all the implications of my declaration as much as I am scared of her possible rejection.
“How did you come up with the name?” she asks after a few moments of complete silence.
“Julian Lewis?” She nods. “Julian is my middle name,” I admit. “Lewis is my father’s.”
She watches me carefully with no other emotion showing on her face.
“Do you realize that we’ve been seeing each other on and off for four years, and I just found out now what your middle name is?”
Her question takes me by surprise. I never thought of it, and I don’t see why it’s important now.
“Well, now you know,” I laugh nervously.
“Do you know what my middle name is?” she asks pensively.
“Jane,” I reply without considering the implications.
Her eyes widen in surprise. “How do you know it? I don’t remember us ever talking about anything this personal.”
I swallow hard and look away. “I ran a background check on you when we first met.”
The sharp intake of air tells me everything I need to know about how she feels about what I just told her.
“You ran a background check on me,” she repeats. “When?”
It’s weird; I thought she’d be angry about it, but she just sounds… passive.
“When we got together for the first time,” I say. “My father always told me to do that when I got serious with someone.”
I realize how ridiculous it all sounds the moment the words come out of my mouth. I truly am the robot Kyle accused my father of creating. I am disgusted with myself.
