”Do you hear yourself, man?” Kyle sounds like he is at a loss for words. “You’re losing your fucking mind. You’re gonna end up alone and miserable. You’ll have all your money but no one to share it with.”
”I don’t share.”
The snarkiness in my tone is nauseating. In my head, I picture myself as a lonely old man who is in a snowy street, looking through a large window into a warm home where an older couple is sitting in front of a fire, watching with an indulgent smile on their faces as their grandchildren run around the room. Every so often, one of them yells something, and they all laugh. It’s some sort of a game they’re playing…
The breath gets knocked out of my chest when I realize that the older woman inside that house is Mona into the future. She has a husband and kids and grandkids. She looks happy. With another man.
My jaw clenches in a painful way, anger and jealousy eating me up inside. In all the years we’ve gone back and forth, I never expected that she would cut me off at some point. It was the perfect arrangement for me. I would send her away anytime I felt like she was getting too close, then I’d go back after her when I felt like enough time had passed.
”You sound stupid,” Kyle informs me. “And if you’re not realizing how stupid, then your brain cells have been completely compromised.”
I remain quiet, wanting to take his olive branch for what it is, but worried that I may have already dropped it before it even had a chance to reach my hand.
”My brain cells are fine.”
Kyle sighs again, long and hard, and completely at his wits’ end with me.
”What should I tell the others then? About Cal’s party,” he adds when I don’t respond fast enough. “You’re not coming?”
“I…”
”You’re a fucking idiot,” he cuts me off before. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yeah, me and Zara went out with Ray and Hayden a few times. So what? Zara doesn’t have any friends, and I was hoping she’d hit it off with these girls. I plan on asking the other guys too if their women want to get to know Zara better. What was I gonna do, bring you with me as my emotional support asshole?”
When he puts it that way, I understand why I didn’t get included in any of this. It sounds like it was a couples thing, and since I am not part of a couple, it would’ve been awkward.
”Fuck!” I run a hand through my hair in frustration.
“Fuck is right,” Kyle agrees. “What is your problem? Is this about Mona?”
I had shared with him the fact that Mona was officially done with me. Since he’d always kind of been on her side, he was not upset on my behalf at hearing that.
”Fuck me, itisabout Mona,” he laughs.
“I tried getting a hold of her,” I admit. “But I can’t even reach her at work. She managed to get all her calls screened. Short of me showing up there…”
Kyle sighs in sympathy. “Man, I get it. I was going to drink myself into a hole when I thought that Zara was done with me.”
Our situations are not the same at all, but I don’t say anything.
”You’ve dragged this girl around for years, man.Years,” he emphasizes. “You were with her, then you were not together anymore. All women were evil and after your money. Then, you’d run into each other, and that girl only had to breathe your way, you’d fall into bed within seconds, so you were together again. Then you started the whole sick ass fucking cycle all over again.”
”It wasn’t just me breaking up with her,” I argue. “She broke up with me, too.”
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Kyle declares. “You’re both toxic for each other. Move on.”
Leaning forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and drop my forehead in my hand. I dig my fingers through my hair over and over again until I’m probably in danger of going bald.
“You’ve been all in your head, and we’re all worried about you,” my friend continues. “You’d think we should care a little less considering how you talk to us, but here we all are, worried about where the fuck your head is at. Based on this conversation, I will have to report to the group that it is up your ass.”
I let out a low snort of laughter. Kyle is funny, always has been. I regret getting into his business and almost ruining his relationship with Zara.
”Will your girlfriend talk to me if I come to this party?” I ask.
”Well, uh, she…”
It’s obvious he didn’t expect for me to ask that, which is why he’s scrambling for an answer.
”Can you at least ask her to give me a chance?”
