“How so?” I frown.
“It’s like an old eighties rom-com, or something,” she says. “You know, like from before there were cell phones, and you had to call a landline.” She starts laughing. “I don’t even know anyone with a landline. I don’t think they exist anymore. I don’t even know how to use a landline.”
She gets off topic and continues talking about old movies and imaginary love stories, with scenarios that I can’t picture in real life.
“Oh, Logan’s calling me on the other line. Let me call you back!”
I don’t say much to that because it’ll probably take five to seven business days for her to call me back.
Once we hang up, I lean back against the sofa, wondering what I should do about tonight. I gave it some thought since he was here last, but I didn’t come up with any solution. Part of me wants to go, but only so that I can hang out with Alex. On the flip side, I don’t want to spend time with his friends. I don’t care how nice they seem to be. I was not built to trust people, and I don’t trust these people, at least not to have my back.
I grab my phone and look up Alex’s number. Just like before, my thumb hovers over theUnblockbutton. It would be so much easier if we could communicate, but that would also give him the opportunity to hurt me more. I’d be upset if he didn’t call or text me all the time, not that he ever did that.
A notification from theHolidatesapp distracts me for a moment, and I tap on it. It automatically takes me to the app inbox where I see a new message from Jonathan.
Mona,
With time being of the essence, I took the liberty of booking myself a room for the night of the Christmas party to which I will accompany you. I would also like to confirm the venue along with any details that you find pertinent.
Sincerely,
Jonathan
The message isshort and to the point. It also seals my fate for the party. I will show up there with this man who I haven’t even met in person. And all that for what? Just to make Alex jealous?
Well, that’s part of it, but not the whole story. I want him to know that I am over him, that I don’t sit around just thinking about him, and that I have moved on with my life.
I realize with a start that all the things I want Alex to believe that I am not doing, I am currently in the middle of doing. I am not over him, I do sit around thinking about him, a lot, and I have most definitelynotmoved on with my life.
This brings me back to wondering whether I should go with him to this party tonight. I’d be sending the wrong message. Then he’ll continue showing up here whenever he felt like, always assuming that I am available and waiting for him.
A pounding headache comes out of nowhere, and I feel like I need to lie down. I pull on the blanket that’s draped over the back of the sofa and pull it over me just as my head rests on the small decorative pillow I have there. I need to close my eyes and relax my mind to prevent myself from making any stupid decisions.
With that said, all I see behind my eyelids is Alex. In my tired head, he looks happy and smiles a lot, acting like he wants me by his side.
It is the complete opposite of everything I know about this man. But there’s always the gnawing thought that maybe there’s more to him than what he shared with me before, which was not much to begin with. In fact, he never told me anything about his parents until this last time he was here. It didn’t sound like a good situation, and he obviously carried some trauma from his mother trapping his father with a baby.
The way I picture his life is him sitting in a golden cage, protected from the outside world, taught that he can’t ever trust a woman. It would definitely explain why he’s never been able to commit to me despite obviously wanting me.
With all that said, I don’t think it’s a good idea to allow him to pull me more into his group. In fact, I need to stay far away from all of them, and especially him. Life is short. I need to move on.
TWENTY-TWO
Alex
It is six thirty,and I’ve been standing across the street from Mona’s apartment building for a good twenty minutes already. I can see my breath every time I open my mouth, and my extremities are numb from the cold. The only smart thing I did was to put a knitted hat on my head, so at least my ears don’t feel like they’re about to fall off despite the brain freeze I am experiencing.
Today has been a total waste. I went to the office, where I achieved absolutely nothing. All I could think about was Mona and whether she’d meet me today, all while trying to avoid calling her number since I already know that I am still blocked.
Now, as I pace the sidewalk, I pray. It is a weird feeling, asking God for a favor when I don’t even believe that he exists.
I walk down the sidewalk until I reach the end of the building, then turn back around. I do the same, over and over again, realizing how ridiculous it is that I came here this early.
“Hey, weirdo!”
A voice calls out in the distance, but I ignore them since they can’t be referring to me. With hands in my pockets and shoulders hunched over, I continue pacing.
“Yo, I’m talking to you, asshole!” Something hits the back of my head. It’s not hard enough to do any damage, but enough to grab my attention and then some.
