“It echoed all around the place,” he snorts. This time, he bends at the waist a little as he laughs, but he doesn’t let go of my hand. “It was fucking awesome.”
“I don’t know aboutawesome,” I laugh. “But as delicious as that steak had been, it about took me out. I am so full, I can barely breathe. And my dress feels too tight on me.”
He stops laughing. “You look beautiful.”
“Busting at the seams,” I retort.
He yanks me into him with such force, I have no choice but to rest my hands on his chest. His free arm is now wrapped around my waist while he’s holding the bag with the food in his other one.
“You are beautiful,” he repeats. “You’ve always been beautiful.”
He bends his head lower like he wants to kiss me, and I freeze. Memories flood me, making the blood in my veins to heat up as my body knows how good he can make me feel.
In that same respect, if I give in now, the last few months of me freezing him out have been in vain. We could get back together only for him to push me away again within months. And I can’t deal with that anymore. I don’t want to. I’d rather live a lifetime of missing him than have my heart broken by him over and over again.
“I have to go now,” I whisper just as his lips get close enough where he could devour me.
My hands feel clammy, and I am dizzy with want and desire for him. I really need to get away from him. He is like a drug to me, and if I am not strong enough to say no, I will never break this cycle of destruction he’s put us through for four years.
I press against his chest until he lets go of me. Disappointment is clear on his features, almost changing my mind.
“Thank you for buying me dinner tonight.” I start walking backwards, in an effort to get away from him. “It doesn’t mean anything, though. You’re still blocked.”
With that, I turn around and almost take off in a run, rushing to get to the train station so I can make my way back home.
Tonight was nothing like I had expected. And I still don’t have a solid date for the Christmas party.
Damn.
TEN
Alex
“What the fuck are you eating?”
The question startles me out of my stupor. I’ve been sitting at my desk at the office for the last few hours, staring at nothing, my brain unable to stop thinking about Mona. I kept on going over our dinner two nights ago, trying to figure out what I could’ve done better to convince her that I am worth another shot.
“Chocolate cake,” I reply to Kyle. I don’t like the way he eyes the foam container the piece of cake is in, so I pull it closer to me.
It is the dessert Mona ordered to go before leaving me standing outside, in the middle of the sidewalk, with the bag full of leftovers in my hand.
“Since when you eat chocolate cake in the middle of the day like that?”
I shrug and take another bite. I have to say that even though it sat on my counter at home for two days, it’s still damn good.
“I want some, too,” Kyle continues bugging me.
“Buy your own,” I tell him with a mouth full of chocolate.
“Where did you get that? Around here? I’ll get some for me and Zara to share.”
The reminder that even the clown of our friend group has a significant other he can share chocolate cake with makes me angry. That’s basically how I feel every day. I go to bed angry, I wake up angry. I think about Mona, and I get angry, not at her, but at the situation we are in.
“It’s from a place out in Manhattan,” I finally snap at Kyle when I see that he’s not giving up.
His eyebrows raise in surprise. “Manhattan? Everything out there is expensive as hell.”
I think back at the charge on my credit card and nod in agreement. “That it is.”
