He jumps out of the chair,nowlooking like he wants to bolt. Couldn’t he do that when I first asked him to go?
“Sit your ass back down,” I snap at him. “I need help with this shit. You might as well help me.”
His eyes widen in surprise, but he doesn’t listen. “Dude, I love you like a brother, but I need to tell someone about this. It’ll be either Zara or the rest of the guys. Your choice.”
I shake my head in disgust. “You’re really not capable of keeping a secret, are you?”
“I am.” He bobs his head up and down. “But not yours.”
“Fair enough.”
I run my hands through my hair, digging the heels into the sockets of my eyes. The pressure makes me see stars, but it doesn’t give me the focus I need.
“Are you trying to get a hold of Mona through theHolidates?”
“Something like that.” I let out a heavy sigh as I bring my hands down. “This seems to be the only way that I can since she blocked me on everything else.”
Kyle watches me, his eyes looking wider than the usual. “So you’re signed up and everything?”
“I’m having a hard time with that,” I admit.
He shakes his head in confusion. “Like your computer is too slow or something?”
I throw my arms forward in despair. “No, like they’re asking me all these fucking questions, and I don’t know what to say.”
The second Kyle busts out laughing again, I know I should’ve kept my damn mouth shut. Why wasn’t I fast enough to close the browser the second he invaded my office? Now I have to put up with his shit. I guess I deserve it given how I almost ruined his relationship, but still, what the fuck.
“You don’t know how to answer the questions?” He is wheezing now. “How did you start a billion dollar company but don’t know how to answer theHolidatesquestions?”
I let him do his thing, watching as he bends at the waist and leans against the chair so that he wouldn’t fall over while still laughing.
“I don’t want her to know it’s me,” I finally manage to inform him once he’s calmed down. That puts a stop to his amusement while also bringing the confused look back.
“I don’t get it.”
“She’d only block me again if she realized it was me messaging her,” I explain. “So I was going to pretend to be someone else, get her to meet with me, and then convince her to give me another chance.”
“But why?”
That is a very good question in itself, but I don’t have a real answer. I just can’tnotsee her. Every fucking time we break up, I know she’s there, waiting for me. And now that I know she’s actively looking for someone else, it’s killing me. I can’t deal.
“My dick won’t work with anyone but her,” I tell Kyle. And that is actually the truth. I haven’t been able to get hard for anyone but her for the last four years, and I don’t want to try it with anyone else either. I just need to get to her before she does something we’ll both regret.
“Dude…” Kyle gives me a disappointed look. “For a second there, I thought you were in love with Mona. But if you’re just looking her up just to have sex on demand, let her go, man. She doesn’t deserve this.”
Anger instantly rises inside of me. I will not allow anyone to speak ill of Mona. But then, like a slap in the face, I realize that Kyle is actually on her side. He is trying to protect her from me. It is the exact opposite of the way I was with Zara when the two of them first met.
“I don’t know what love is.”
My jaw hurts when I mutter the words. I wouldn’t admit this to anyone other than my best friend. And he really has been a very good friend to me despite me being the asshole of our group.
“Love is when you feel like you can’t live without her,” Kyle explains. “You want to be with only her. You don’t stray. You don’t think of anyone else while you’re with her. You want to take care of her. You think life would be over if she wasn’t in it.”
I swallow around the hard lump in the back of my throat. Those are all the things my father raised me to despise. I never questioned his thinking until my friends started getting married and acting like fools around their significant others. Now, our group is larger and more on the co-ed side. They love their women being involved, and they have in turn become friends as well. It’s a tight knit group, and I am the oddball.
I know they are careful around me, especially the girls. They always expect me to snap at them, say inappropriate things, like calling them gold diggers. And I know I deserve it, but I don’t know how to change my way of thinking.
“You mentioned your parents before.” Kyle clears his throat a couple of times. It is not a subject that’s ever mentioned, but I may have said a thing or two about it while I was trying to convince Kyle that Zara was no good for him. “What the fuck happened, man? Why do you hate women this much?”
