Since I’ve met him, he was firmly in thecute, but a playboycamp, and now he’s crossing lines into thecute and sweetcamp, and I know I need it to stop before I do something reckless and stupid, but despite it all, I can feel the crush forming, and I’m not sure what to do about any of it.
All day I could feel myself feeling giddy about getting to come back to the apartment, ordering take-out, and spending time with him.
And now I don’t know how I feel about the plans changing. I’m not sad, but I’m definitely not happy either. I guess I’m bummed and totally in my head.
I walk into my room and grab the new paperback I started a couple of days ago off my air mattress. A distraction is just what I need. Especially if that distraction is an epic fantasy that has nothing to do with the reality I’m currently living.
Turning to where I left off, I plop back on to the couch and scan the words.
“His long blond hair blew in the wind…”
Tanner immediately pops into my head, and I throw the book to the other side of the room, letting out a little squealand making Dolly jump. Nope. I’m not about to sit here and dream up images of him as the main character in the book I’m reading.
He’s my roommate. Crush or no crush or maybe crush or whatever this is, I should be able to get through a task without thinking about him. It’s not that serious.
I consider texting Gray or one of the other girls, but deep down I know they’ll just egg this on, and that’s not what I need. What I need is a distraction, so I turn on the TV instead and start flipping through the channels.
Wedding Crasherscomes into view on the screen, and I breathe out.This is good. This is better. No way a movie this silly will make me think about the roommate I shouldn’t be thinking about.
I settle into the couch, trying to relax. The blond male character’s face pops up on the screen, and all I can think about is Tanner’s smile.Shit.
I change the channel.
Fast and the Furious.
And again.
The Princess Bride.
And again.
Barbie.
Does he have some type of subscription to blond actors unlimited on this fucking thing?
The next channel is on a commercial, so I wait a few seconds to see what’s playing—and groan when I realize it’sThor: Ragnarok.
Is this a fucking joke?
I try one more time and am pleasantly surprised when I stop on a rerun ofNew Girl.This is good. This is just about four roommates and will make me laugh. There are no blond characters in this show.
It takes all of three minutes for me to realize what episode I’m watching, and I quickly turn the channel right as Nickand Jess meet in the hallway and kiss.
“That definitely didn’t make me think of kissing my roommate,” I say out loud.
Because a thought like that would be certifiable.
Dolly meows and jumps on to the couch next to me. Her blue eyes pierce through me.
“What? Now you’re judging me? I said I’m definitelynotthinking about kissing Tanner.”
She meows again, tilting her head.
“Would you please stop looking at me?”
It’s not like I’m thinking about what his lips would feel like or what he would taste like.
I pop off the sofa and move toward my bedroom. Those butterflies return, but this time they aren’t in my stomach—they’re lower. I breathe out an annoyed breath. No way in hell I’m actually turned on right now.
