“Yeah. The last guy I brought home turned out to be a real ass, so I think he’s worried I’ll get my heart broken again eventhough I’ve told him a dozen times you and I are just friends.”
Friends. Fuck, I hate that word.
“What happened?”
“Well, his name was Chad, and he and I met at a ladies’ night at a bar near Farrington University. He was charming, said all the right things. We never labeled our relationship, but it felt serious, and I thought I loved him.” She cringes.
“Anyway, he was with me when I got the call that Cody had fallen. At first he was really supportive, and that made me fall harder for him, but I quickly became a shell of who I once was. I was juggling helping my parents with Cody, trying to finish school, and my relationship with Chad, and I was so tired all of the time.”
“That sounds really hard. I’m sure you were doing your best.”
“I was trying, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. I didn’t see myself doing it at the time, but I was isolating myself, and had pushed all of my friends away. Chad and I stopped having sex, and I was just going through the motions of everything. The day he broke up with me, I had fallen asleep at a red light on the way to his house.”
“Did you get hurt?”
“No, thank goodness. By some miracle, my foot stayed on the brake and I didn’t wreck, but it shook me pretty hard. I had been running errands all morning for my mom and had stayed up late the night before studying. I was just exhausted.”
“So why did y’all break up?”
“Let’s see, I think he told me that I was ‘a real bummer,’ and I was ‘bringing down his college experience.’” She makes little air quotes as she talks. “He admitted to cheating on me and said he didn’t want to be a shitty person, but he never wanted to be serious with me and was only sticking around because he felt bad about my brother.”
My hands tighten on the steering wheel, blood starting to run hot.
“What a fucking dick.”
“Oh, it got worse,” she says. “He blamed me for the cheating, saying that he had needs and that I was too tired to fuck him, so he had no other choice but to look elsewhere. And when I reminded him that he had told me he loved me, he gaslighted me and convinced me that I was crazy and he had never said those words.”
My hands grip the steering wheel tighter.
“What a piece of shit.”
“Yeah, it’s okay. I realize now that he did me favor that day. While he was an ass, the break up pushed me to start seeing a therapist, and without therapy I would still be living at home, and I would have never met the girls.”
“That might be true, but nothing he said was okay.”
“Oh, yeah, I know that. I just meant, I’m better off without him. He was a total playboy who didn’t believe in serious relationships, and he took advantage of me being overwhelmed by everything I had going on.”
A playboy like me.
“And you haven’t dated anyone since?”
“Here and there, but nothing serious. I know my parents won’t be able to help Cody forever, and one day I’ll be his primary caregiver. Well, me and whoever I end up with.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Honored,” she says, smiling. “I would do anything in the world for my brother, and I know I have to find someone who feels the same way. Primary caregiver is a big ask for someone who isn’t a parent or a sibling, but Cody and I are a package deal. Finding someone who accepts us both is non-negotiable.”
“You really are amazing,” I say.
“So you’ve said. Do you have any relationship horror stories?” she asks.
“Oh, um, no,” I answer her, suddenly even more unsure of myself. “I guess serious relationships have never been my thing.”
The word playboy flashes in my head again.
“They’re not for everyone,” she says.
“I’m not like him,” I say without thinking.
