“Like me seeing a redhead and thinking it’s Wren, only to find out it’s not.”
“Interesting,” he says, leaning forward on his knees. “How long has this been going on?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes.”
“Since my birthday dinner in April.”
“April?” he asks, in disbelief. “Please explain.”
I inhale deeply and blow out a long breath, considering how much I want to tell him, and then because he’s one of my best friends, I decide to tell him everything.
“We were all at this restaurant for my birthday, and you weren’t back yet. She happened to be there with the other girls. But that was even before Logan and Poppy were official,so we didn’t talk to them, just kinda saw them from across the room. I don’t know. I saw her and it’s like my brain chemistry changed, and since then I don’t even know how to act around her or other women. All I could think about after that night was learning her name. There was just something about her. She drew me in with one smile, like a siren luring a ship, and I regretted not having the courage to go introduce myself that night.”
“A siren luring a ship.” He looks at me like I’m some sort of alien from outer space, but I continue, because fuck it.
“I don’t know how else to explain it. Then, in May, she was standing outside Logan’s apartment with Lacey, and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever see her again, but there she was. And since then, I’ve fumbled the bag every goddamn time we’ve been around each other.”
He looks at me, shocked.
“What?” I ask, fully aware that I probably sound like a psycho, but I can’t help it.
He begins to laugh and leans back on the couch, crossing his arms over his chest and one of his ankles over his knee. He’s quiet for a few seconds, and uneasiness settles over me.
“It’s just weird hearing you talk like this.” He pauses before continuing, and then when he begins again, his words come out hesitantly. “I don’t mean this in a bad way, because you know I think of you like a brother, but I’m really surprised to hear you talk about her like this. I mean, usually when we’re all together, you’re flirting with someone else that’s not her.”
“Fuck, I know.” I run my hands down my face and let out a groan. “Maybe I’m just trying to get her attention.” I know it sounds bad, and I internally cringe at my own words. “Because she wants nothing to do with me, and it drives me nuts.”
“Very mature of you,” he deadpans. “Do you think that’s what it is? I mean, you aren’t really used to not having a girl’sattention. Could this attraction simply be you wanting what you can’t have?”
“I don’t know, but I don’t think so.”
“Who else knows?”
“No one. I mean, I think Logan might have an idea, but I haven’t outright told anyone this but you.”
He nods.
“Have you thought about just asking her out?”
“She’d never go for that, and then it would be awkward for everyone.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I think I do. And if she did agree, I’d probably manage to fuck it up somehow. I mean, I’m good for a fun night, but long-term…I’ve never been good at that. Plus, I don’t want to risk fucking up the group dynamic. You know I almost ruined our friendship with the whole Lacey fiasco. I don’t need to risk anything like that again.”
“You and Lacey were drunk and both regret the night. She and I weren’t talking at the time, and you had no way of knowing who she was.” He cringes a little as he talks. “I told you we were cool, and I meant it. But Wren isn’t Lacey. You’ll never know what she’ll say if you don’t try.”
It’s obvious that at best, she tolerates me, and at worst, she wants nothing to do with me. I also know that, despite what he’s saying, I can’t act on how I feel about her because if I screwed it up, our friends would never forgive me.
Accidentally sleeping with one girl in our friend group is forgivable. Especially when that girl was Lacey and she called me a mediocre lay. I got really lucky that Jacks is the most understanding man I know. But sleeping with a second girl in the friend group and inevitably fucking it up? Inexcusable.
“I don’t know, man.”
“What don’t you know?” Lacey asks, walking into the living room.
“Oh, uh, nothing,” I lie. “Work shit.”
