He hangs up the phone, and I stumble backward. The back of my knees hit the foot of my bed, and I crumble.
WREN
I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on the call, but Tanner’s door is wide open, and the apartment isn’t very big. My heart breaks for him, and I know he has to be devastated. I wish his dad could see the man I see. The man who continues to blow me away with his kindness.
“Can I come in?” I ask, tapping my fist against the door frame.
“Oh, um, sure,” he says. “I thought you were leaving.”
“I was going to, but it sounded like you might need me to stay.”
His face is painted with disappointment, and all the joy that radiated off of him before the call is gone. He doesn’t even look like himself, and I want so badly to make him feel happy. To make him feel seen.
“Dance with me,” I say, reaching out and taking his hands.
“I don’t want to dance.”
“It’ll make you feel better. Come on, please.” His hands fall out of mine, and his shoulders slump. Grabbing my phone, I swipe through my playlist and put on “Boogie Shoes” by KC And The Sunshine Band. “Come on, dance with me, or I’m going to make you talk about your feelings, which I know you hate.” I put my hand out again, and to my surprise, he takes it.
Pulling him to stand, I start swinging his arm, twirling myself underneath it. He shakes his head, and his lips turn slightly upward. He begins to move his feet, and we move around his room. By the end of the song, we’re both out of breath, and his smile is back.
“Feel better?” I say, nudging him with my elbow.
“A little,” he says. “Thank you.” We both sit on the edge of this bed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“How much did you hear?” he asks.
“Most of it,” I say. “Sorry. I wasn’t trying to listen, but then you put it on speaker.”
“It’s okay…so I guess you heard he’s going with someone else?”
“I did.” I try thinking of the right words to say, but I don’t know what will make it better. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a good CEO, and I think you’re responsible.”
He laughs. “You say that to the thirty year old who’s never had a serious girlfriend. I should’ve known this would happen. He’s never agreed with my lifestyle choices. Single guy with a playboy reputation doesn’t really scream leader of a family-owned company, but I doubt there’s anything I could do to change his mind.”
“I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”
“How can I not be? I’ve literally been busting my ass for almost two months. I thought I was finally doing a good job, and then he just pulls the rug out from under me like that. Like I don’t matter to him at all. He told me the new guy was just like my brother. Who says that shit to their other son?”
“He shouldn’t have said that. It’s not fair to compare you to Mitch.”
“No, but that’s Dad. My whole life I’ve looked up to both of them and just wanted them to include me, and they never have, and then he invited me to that dinner. He complimented my work, and I know it sounds pathetic, but I thought I’d finally started to earn my seat at the table.”
I grab his hands, and his eyes find mine. There’s so much sadness behind his baby blues that my heart cracks.
“After Cody’s accident, I was really hard on myself too. I would beat myself up for not being able to do it all. Balancing everything and everyone was overwhelming, and no matter how hard I tried, I always came up short somewhere. The guilt tore me apart.
“After Chad dumped me, I started therapy, and it took me a while, but I started to realize I couldn’t be the sister, or daughter, or friend I wanted to be if I didn’t take care of myself. I know our situations are different, but you’re putting all this pressure on yourself to make someone else proud of you, and I don’t think it’s fair to you. You’re incredible, Tanner. I mean, people don’t just buy lifts for people they barely know.”
“I know you,” he says, his eyes finding mine again, causing my stomach to bottom out.
“But you don’t know Cody that well, and the lift was for him. Don’t sell yourself short. Your dad fucked up, but maybe it needed to happen to set you free from whatever family obligation you keep trying to convince yourself you have.”
“God, maybe I need therapy,” he says.
“There is no shame in asking for help, and I think it would do you good to talk to someone who can help you see yourself the way all of us see you.”
