Smiling, she gently traces the scar.
“Come on, tell me something about you no one knows. I want to get to know you, not the person you show everyone else. None of that surface level shit.”
She bites her lip and looks away from me in deep thought.
“Okay,” she says, after a moment. “Um…despite getting my dream role, I’m embarrassed that I had to understudy for a girl three years younger than me to get it.”
“And the second thing?” I encourage her to continue.
“Let’s see. My best friends are my sister and my parents because I’ve never felt like I fit in, no matter howhard I’ve tried.”
My heart breaks that she’s been carrying this around. That, despite her fun and bubbly personality, she’s been hiding so many feelings of low self-esteem and doubt.
“And the third thing?”
“I hate that you are the person that I got stuck here with.”
“The third one is the lie.”
“How did you know?”
“Because I see the way you look at me. The way you’re sitting over there desperate for me to pull you into my lap and kiss you again. I’d say you’re very happy we’re here together.” A smirk breaks across my face.
“Ha! Cocky son of a bitch.”
“Am I wrong?”
“No,” she admits. “Do you think I’m pathetic after hearing my truths?” Her smile seems to disappear as she talks.
“Never. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
She hums.
“Want to talk about it?”
She hesitates for a moment, finding my eyes.
“We don’t have to—” I begin.
“No, it’s okay. We can. I’m not very young by ballet standards, and I should’ve achieved roles like this a while ago, but I didn’t. I was promoted to principal dancer later than the other girls I started with, and since then, it has just felt like an uphill battle trying to prove myself. Not only to Dimitri, our creative director, but to the other dancers.”
I nod, encouraging her to continue.
“I see the looks on their faces, hear the whispers when they think I’m not listening. Everyone in the company has their friend groups. I feel like I’m not good enough to be included with the other dancers my age, and I feel too old to be hanging out with the ones who started after me.”
“Principal dancer is a big deal though, right? Who cares when you achieved it? I think it’s incredible that you’re doing what you always wanted.”
She shrugs. “You’re right. I guess I should be grateful. Not everyone gets to where I am.”
“That’s not what I meant. Both things can be true. You can be proud of what you’ve accomplished and still wish for more. And forwhat it’s worth, if people can’t see how incredible you are, then that’s their loss, not yours.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“What ever happened to that girl you were living with? What was her name? Scarlett?”
“Charlotte?”
“Yeah. Wasn’t she a dancer too?”
