The scent of mould and cum and piss.
The metallic taste in my mouth as I fought, scratched, bit, snarled.
Jessia’s purr faltering as the pain became too much for her to process, falling silent. Too silent.
“I can do this,” I rasped, ignoring the way my chest shook, my breathing ragged. “I’ll be fine.”
I forced my feet to turn me towards the door, made myself take a step, but I stopped at the last second to snatch the teddy bear off the dresser. It was black, with a sparkly purple skeleton embroidered on its body and buttons for eyes, and I knew damn well one of those buttons was a camera.
“You’re coming with me,” I told it. Well, told Cobra. I felt better having him with me; it gave me enough strength to get out the door and down the hallway.
I’d made it through the sanctuary door before it occurred to me that I just spoke to myself out loud. It was a sad little pep talk, but it felt like a victory to speak at all.
Eyes turned towards me when I entered the sanctuary and I strangled the absolute shit out of the bear, just daring anyone to say something about the way I clutched it in my fist. But no one even noticed the bear; they rushed towards me like a flurry of chickens at feeding time, and the visual made me smirk.
Anyone would think you fuckers missed me.That’s what I wanted to say, but I opened my mouth and nothing came out.
“Don’t stab me, don’t stab me,” Mercedes chanted, throwing an arm around me in a rapid hug that I allowed because I was still weak. I glared, though, just to make my opinions clear.
When she moved back, I came face-to-face with my pale, trembling friend. Jessia practically threw herself at me, and I went one further than allowing her to hug me. I gripped her tightly, my arms locked around her, and even though I kept my eyes open I couldseethat basement. I could smell it, hear the grunts and barked commands, and my whole body locked up.
“I know,” she whispered. “I know.”
“Alright, ladies, break it up,” a coarse, female voice rose above the others. Thora, the only other person from the farm who chose to stay here with the Knights. She met my eyes and added, “Not you, two. You keep this lovey-dovey shit going. It’s good for you.”
I rolled my eyes, but I was reluctant to release Jessia. Her scent was scorched, bitter instead of her usual sweetness, but she was breathing, and she’d spoken.
I was afraid,I tried to say.You were so silent for so long, and I thought I’d never hear your voice again.
My tongue was heavy, alien inside my mouth. It clung to the roof of my mouth and refused to move, so I just rested my forehead against her shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “For keeping me safe.”
I reared back. Shook my head vigorously. What the fuck was she talking about? We were assaulted constantly fortwo fucking days.I didn’t keep anyone safe. I didn’t do fuck all.
“Lynn,” she breathed, her eyes big and full of tears, teeth grazing her bottom lip as she fought the emotion. She held onto me even as her hands shook. “When it—when—” Her throat rose and fell. “I know you distracted them to spare me.”
I dropped my gaze, something like shame sitting on my chest. It didn’t fucking work. No matter how hard I fought, howloudly I growled, how many times I insulted their pride, their dicks, their mothers, it wasn’t enough to make itstop.
I smoothed my hands down her back, careful to avoid any injuries I recalled her getting, and I frowned when her wardrobe finally registered. A dark grey sweatshirt three sizes too big, and black pyjama pants with scotty dogs all over them. Her hair was straight, falling around her shoulders in its natural state. Her face was free of makeup. Our eyes locked when I drew back, and held for a long, significant moment.
“Have you seen ChaCha?” she asked.
I shook my head.
“I think she’s hiding out in Sweetie’s room. She’ll come around eventually,” she said, infusing hope into her voice I wasn’t sure she even believed. “Have you eaten? We should eat, and then we can talk about the scent you’ve drowned yourself in, and—”
I caught her hand when she moved away. Squeezed it. She didn’t have to fake any of this shit for me. She didn’t have to pretend everything was fine. I wished I could fuckingsaythat, but the words swelled in my throat, my chest tightened, and they refused to come out.
Instead, I released her to retrieve the knife I’d brought. I’d got one for ChaCha too, but that would have to wait.
Jessia laughed hoarsely when she saw the knife. “Really, Lynn. Knives aren’t the answer to everything.”
Yes, they are,I mouthed.
She smiled, but worry knotted her brow. “You can’t talk…?”
I shook my head. Glanced away.
