“I know,” he said before I could figure out how to string my thoughts into a sentence. “We’re friends; this is the shit friends do for each other.”
Wewerefriends, and hearing it spoken made me feel all warm and fuzzy where I normally felt hollow. But god, having someone meant having someone to lose. I’d only ever had myself since Mum and Niall passed, and I wasn’t sure I liked this. But I liked the game sessions, and the insults we traded, and the banter. I liked waking up warm, rested, and safe too, but that was dangerous. Addictive.
I needed to deflect, to break this emotion apart before it strangled me. “Aw cute,” I said, giving him a faux-soft look. “You do this for all your friends? I can just imagine you and Devil snuggled up together at night.”
Cobra gave me his middle finger, and I grinned. “Get the fuck out. Pest.”
“Who’s the big spoon? Is it Devil?”
His expression flattened, and a familiar giddiness went through me at getting a rise out of him. “Out.”
I saluted him with two fingers and let myself into the hall. And then I hunted down ChaCha. Loathed as I was to admit any of this shit out loud, I needed to talk about what just happened. Mostly, I needed a new coping mechanism because this couldn’t happen again. This morning made it very clear that if I woke up in his arms again, feelings were inevitable, and Cobra didn’tdofeelings. He didn’t do commitment or relationships, only sex.
And that was the biggest problem. Because I wanted the sex, too.
I barged into ChaCha’s room without announcing myself, and smirked when she startled awake with a filthy string of insults. Impressive, really.
“What the actualfuck,Lynn?” she demanded when she saw it was me.
I kicked the door shut behind myself. “I want to fuck Cobra.”
Her eyes widened, her stare fixed on me for long, long seconds, and then she hissed, “Holy fucking shit.” She flew out of bed, inflicting the sight of her bare ass on me. I turned away, pinching the bridge of my nose as she threw on clothes. “We’re gonna need Jessia. This is an emergency.”
14
Lynn
Accepting Cobra as my friend meant I needed to admit that ChaCha and Jessia were my friends, too. I made peace with that, and after an emergency meeting with the girls, I’d even accepted that wanting to sleep with Cobra wasn’t the end of the world.
“What’s the big deal?” Jessia said earlier. “Sex is natural, and good. Why’s it so wrong to want it? Sure, Cobra is… Cobra. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting him.”
I didn’t tell them how fucked up he needed sex, or that it intrigued me instead of scaring me away. I didn’t tell them that I wanted to beat all my nightmares into submission by taking control of them. Byfacingthem, instead of failing to repress them. Maybe, if I could be the one in control, instead of the memories, I wouldn’t even need a drink. Maybe, eventually, I wouldn’t need Cobra.
I had a feeling I’d always want him, though.
I laid wide awake, tracing the scars on my hands as my friends slept soundly on either side of me. Their anti-Cobra system had workedsowell. Let’s have a sleepover, they said. You’ll fall asleep with someone on either side of you, they said. We’re ten times the company of that unfriendly motherfucker, they said.
“Liars,” I hissed, scowling from Jessia’s naturally beautiful face to ChaCha’s. She was radiant and fierce even in her sleep. I tapped the tip of her cute nose and smirked when she muttered in her sleep, throwing an arm over her eyes.
I was still awake hours later as the sun began to rise, cursing the friends I’d had forced upon me. My eyes were gritty, my head full of pressure I knew would form a headache, and it was a million miles from waking up rested in Cobra’s bed after he knocked me out with his bark.
“I hate you,” I grumbled when the sun rose and I’d had a grand total of forty minutes sleep. Fifty if I was feeling generous. I slipped out of bed, stormed into the sanctuary, and grinned when I located the toy drum someone’s kid left behind at the Knights’ last barbecue. ChaCha stole it, and I’d called her a fucking moron for it then, but now I saw the vision. I slipped back inside my room, crept close to the bed, and beat the shit out of that drum.
My friends came awake with a squeal—Jessia—and a detailed death threat—ChaCha. I grinned and kept up a steady rhythm.
“Sleep well, ladies?” I shouted over the racket. “Because I fucking didn’t.”
“Aw, man,” Jessia sighed, sliding out of bed to hug me around the middle, ignoring the murder eyes I aimed at her. “I really thought it was going to work.”
“Well.” ChaCha rubbed her eyes. “There’s only one thing for it. Have fun being railed by the psychopath, Lynn. Hope your pussy survives.”
And with that she flopped back into the cushions and rolled over to go back to sleep.
I threw the toy drum at her.
15
Cobra
