“Exactly what you need. Lord knows you haven’t been kind to yourself all these years.”
“Nora,” I start.
She narrows her eyes at me. “Don’t Nora me. You know it’s true. You deserve to be happy, Ethan. And you deserve kindness. You’re not a monster like you claim to be. You’ll always be my big brother, the hero.”
I feel the weight of her words crushing down on my chest. It’s too much. It’s always too fucking much.
“You don’t have to believe me but maybe you should start allowing yourself to believe her.”
“What makes you think I will?” The argument sounds weak to my own ears.
“I saw how you looked at her. You’ll believe her.”
Which comes full circle to what I was questioning her for.
“Is it the same way you look at Crow?”
Something passes over her face but I don’t know what. “Don’t,” she says softly.
“What was that, Nor?” I press.
I see her defenses coming up because it’s the same way mine do. Her blue eyes turning to glaciers. “It was nothing.”
“You’re a shit liar.”
“So are you.”
“We aren’t talking about me right now,” I tell her and she sighs. “We’re talking about you and how you looked at Crow.”
“His name is Blake you know,” she says deflecting me.
“I could give a fuck less what his name is. You know what he did, Nora. You know what he did to me.” I hate how I can’t mask the hurt in my voice.
Her faces softens as sorrow bleeds in her eyes. “I know what happened, Ethan and I wished that it never did.”
“Then how can you look at him like that? Lana cheated on me with him.”
“He didn’t know.”
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours,” she says instantly. “I’m always on your side. How can you even ask me that?”
“Because you just defended him.”
“I didn’t defend him.”
“Yes you did.”
“Are we seriously fighting about this right now? Are you honestly mad at me?”
Mad at her? No.
Confused? Yes.
But at the end of the day I love my sister. She’s what’s kept me from swallowing the bullet so many fucking times.
So I give up the fight and drop my defenses. “I’m not mad at you. I just saw how you looked at him, Nora. And I saw how he looked at you.”
