“When you stayed with us months ago to protect us you hardly slept. And when you did it was for three hours max before you woke up startled. I never pried. Never thought it was my right but I know it has something to do with your time overseas. And your tattoos. They aren’t just tattoos are they? They’re a memorial, for the ones you lost. The ones who had to be left behind.”
It’s absolutely fucking terrifying to be seen so clearly. I feel like a piece of glass in her dainty hands and with one wrong move she’ll shatter me.
My silence must make her anxious because she apologetically rushes, “I’m sorry, I understand if I overstepped a line. I didn’t mean to. It’s just. . .” She sighs and it’s torn. “I know you’re fighting a war inside that head of yours and I’m telling you that you don’t have to fight it alone. I’m here. I want you to know that I’m here.”
I remain silent as my heart cracks open and tears stream silently down my face.
All this pain that I have harbored for years, pain that I continue to make myself feel, all of it and yet this declaration. This declaration from her has me dying inside.
Because nothing is more painful than someone who wants to carry the dead weight on their shoulders and try to bring them back to life.
And that’s what she’s doing isn’t she?
She’s offering me a second chance at life.
Wouldn’t I be a fool not to take it?
Would I be betraying my brothers if I did?
“You scare me, Grace,” I confess to her in a whisper.
“Why?”
“Because no one sees me like you do. No one has ever fought this hard for me and it terrifies me.”
“You deserve to be seen, Oak. And you also deserve to live. Because you’re not living. You’re existing and that’s not the same.”
“I don’t know any other way.”
“Then let me show you how.”
I whisper brokenly, “I don’t know if I can.” And that’s the scariest truth I have ever admitted to anyone. I don’t know how to live when they can’t.
“You can, Oak. I promise you that you can.”
“You’re never going to stop fighting for me, are you?”
“No,” she answers truthfully. “I don’t know hownotto fight for you.”
“You want to know a secret, Grace?”
“Always.”
Baring myself to her in a way that I never have with anyone else I say, “I hope that you never stop.”
“You know I won’t,” she promises me.That does bring a smile to my face. “Do you want to try going back to sleep?” She broaches the topic lightly. I look back at the middle of my bed with my bodies indentation, my pillow case twisted and creased from my nightmare. I can’t fall back asleep on my bed. Too damn soft. “I’ll stay on the phone until you fall back asleep.”
I shake my head. “It will take me awhile and most of the time I can’t. I don’t want you losing sleep over me.”
“Then I’ll stay on the phone until you’re feeling better. But try and fall back asleep. Everyone needs rest and that includes you, too, big guy.” Her teasing tone has my smile growing wider.
“You ordering me around, Grace?”
“Yes and do you have something to say about it?”
Damn, I love how she challenges me. My lips twitch. “No, not at all.”
“Didn’t think so. Now lay down and close your eyes,” she orders.
