“A break?” I echo loudly. “You’ve had far longer than a break!” The anger takes ahold of me. My voice vibrates with fury. “News flash, you haven’t functioned in over a decade! You’re here but you’re not. What do you do? What have you done for us? Nothing! Absolutely fucking nothing. You’ve been taking a break ever since dad died!”
Before I can blink she slaps me hard across the face.
I can feel the imprint of her hand as it stings my cheek.
And that, that erupts the volcano.
All I see is a maddening red. I go to raise my own hand but stop last second when I see the smirk on her face.
No, I know what she’s doing.
I lower my hand and hold it in front of me to keep me from punching her.
If I assault my mom then everything I’ve been working for amounts to nothing. She’ll tell Steven, I know she will and then I’ll never gain custody of Connor.
God, I want to cry. Let the rivers of tears stream down my face and crumple to the floor.
But I can’t.
I can’t.
“You think you’re better than me don’t you?” She asks me rhetorically. “You aren’t. That’s my blood running in your veins, which makes you a part of me.”
“And I also have my father’s. The kind gentle man who persevered. The one who had faith and believed in a better tomorrow. I’m not you, mom. I may look like the spitting image of you many years ago but I am not you.”
“So youdothink you’re better than me.”
I shake my head, tired of this game already. Tired of her. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I’m trying to be the best version of me. Why don’t you want the same for yourself?”
“The best parts of me died when your father did.”
“And you won’t even try to bring her back? Not for me? Not for Connor? Not even for yourself?”
“Why should I?! There’s nothing for me here. Nothing!”
“How do you always fail to see it? How can you be so blind?” My voice cracks. “You have us. Connor and me. You have us. Aren’t we enough?”
She doesn’t answer me but she doesn’t have to.
“All I ask is one day for you to not use. Just one.”
“And you’re asking for too much.”
“Yes, I can see that, very clearly. But whether you like it or not you have a son. And I have a brother that I don’t want to lose because unlike you I love him. He’s my entire world. So I need you to act sober one day. One. Fucking. Day. That’s the least you could do for us. I’ll be damned if they take him away from me because of you.”
“Why do you fight so hard? Aren’t you tired fighting other people’s battles?”
“I fight because nobody deserves to be alone.”
“How noble,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “All this out of the kindness of that heart of yours? It’s going to kill you. All these battles you’re fighting and you’re going to be the one dead.”
“Steven will be here within an hour,” I tell her, actively dismissing what she said. “Will you be ready or am I going to have to cancel?”
She laughs. The sound grates my ears and gets on every one of my nerves. “Still fighting. Dead. You’re going to end up dead.”
“Well, I am alive right now and that’s all that matters. Now are you going to get cleaned up or am I going to have to force you?”
She bristles. “I’m not a child. I can clean myself.”
