"I know what you mean," I reply, my voice low. Her eyes finally leave Connor and spare a glimpse at me. I can see thequestions circling in her eyes. Wondering if I am referring to Lana. The woman who I had told her I loved and then she decided to give that love to someone else. I put those questions at ease when I clarify, "I would do anything for my sister without any hesitation and with no regret."
And it's the gods honest fucking truth.
There isn't a single day that goes by where I regret what I had done.
I killed for her and I would do it again.
Even if the feds dig deep enough to uncover that and use it against me I don't care.
That fucker deserved far worse than death for what he did to her.
"You understand."
I nod my head. "I do."
Her eyes return to Connor but they're different. They hold fear. "I always worry about failing him. And that one day he'll grow to resent me."
"I don't think that's possible."
She smiles at me but it's weak. "It could happen. I try everyday, you know? I try so hard to give him a better life than what I had growing up. But there are things I can't do for him."
"What isn't there you can't do?"
"So fucking much. I want a future for him, Oak. One that doesn't involve living in Hollows Point. I want him to have a mother that loves him. One when he comes home and doesn't have to worry if she is high on the couch. I want him away from it all. And I am trying so hard to make it happen but I keep hitting a brick wall." There's a sadness in her sky blue eyes. It breaks my heart and twists my insides.
I saw at first hand when I was protecting the both of them their mother's terrible addiction. And even worse her nonexistent behavior. She didn't care about Connor. She didn'tcare about Grace. The only thing that woman cared about was what vein would she use.
And it did something to me, seeing that.
And I haven't been the same since.
Because I wanted to do more. Stay with them longer. Protect them both. Save them, if that is even possible for a man like me to do anymore.
"You're not making any progress in gaining custody?" The last that I had heard she wasn't financially stable enough to support Connor. Which is a load of bullshit if you ask me because she's the one who has been taking care of him his whole life. The fact that their mother still has custody of him over her shows just how much the system is fucked.
"No," she says defeatedly. "Steven says I need to make a higher income. I also need to find a place of my own." She sucks in her lower lip as her eyes turn glassy. The ache in my heart intensifies. Eyes as pretty as hers should never cry.
"And finding a place of your own would leave Connor alone with your mother."
She smiles at me but it's pained. I've never really seen it before. The breaks in her heart that are holding on by a damn thread. The sorrow buried deep behind those eyes. Her spirit beaten, battered and bruised.
All her pain she keeps hidden in plain sight.
Just. Like. Me.
The differences are hers aren’t deserved and mine are.
"I can't take him with me because then it would be considered kidnapping." She shakes her head and as she does one lone tear falls down her cheek. "It's so fucked, Oak."
My thumb comes to her cheek and I wipe away the tear with a gentle touch.
She turns her head slightly and looks at me with those pained filled eyes that are reminiscent of mine.
And I want to do everything in my power to take it away.
Her eyes stay on mine unmoving but her body shifts closer to mine.
Magnets.
