“Long time.”
Silence ensues between us but it doesn’t deter him. “What did you do before that?”
I finish cleaning my cut. There’s still some stains but I’ll have to worry about it at another time. I turn the water off. Then I look at him. “I was a Marine.”
“Thanks for your-”
I hold my hand in the air. “Please, don’t.”
He nods his head. “Alright. Forget I said it.”
“Listen,” I begin trying not to sound like a dick because the guy has been nothing but helpful, but I’m mentally fucking gone, “thank you for helping me with the panic attack. And with the clothes. But I’m shit company right now. I can’t stand here and talk with you when my woman is being operated on. I’m not here. I’m just not. And until her eyes open and her voice says my name I won’t be here. You understand me?”
“I understand, Oak,” he says sympathetically. He then shrugs. “I just thought I could keep you company until your friends made it here. Didn’t want you to be going through this alone.”
If it’s possible I feel even more like a piece a shit than before. My shoulders sag in defeat as I release a deep sigh. “I appreciate it.”
“Hollows Point,” he laughs but it sounds pained in a way. I look at him then, really look at him and I see it. Pain always recognizes pain. “You don’t live here and get away unscathed. It’s fucked, but all of us here are connected by the trauma we share.”
This town is a cesspool. And it tries its damnedest to drag everyone in its darkness.
“When I was a Marine,” I find myself opening up to him, “I lost my brothers. We were on a mission and we all decided to push ahead.” It’s the first time I have ever not taken full responsibility for their deaths. The first time since I have not let the blame lie fully on me. “And they didn’t survive.” And still, coming to terms with their deaths isn’t any easier. Some days, I don’t think it ever will be.
“Fuck,” he breathes out. “I know you might not want to hear it or that it doesn’t help but I’m sorry.” Before I would’ve agreed with him. But being in therapy along with group therapy has helped changed my perspective a little. It’s only people showingthey care. And there’s nothing wrong with that. And I shouldn’t punish myself for it either.
“I’m sure you’ve heard the same. Does it help you?”
He leans against the bathroom sink. His arms crossed over his chest. A faraway look crosses over his eyes. “It never brings them back, does it? All the condolences in the world and they’re still gone.”
A man who shares the same pain. A tragedy I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. “Do you mind me asking who you lost?”
“My son and wife.” I see him turning a gold band on his ring finger. His wedding ring he never had the heart to part with. “How many years have passed since you lost your brothers?”
“Ten.”
“Has it gotten any easier?”
“The grief of losing them will never pass but I find myself being able to breathe easier. I find myself enjoying life again. But there still isn’t a day where I don’t think about them.”
“But there’s hope. Hope that there will be life again.”
I nod, my throat thick with emotion. “Yeah, there’s hope. You will live again, Trevor. Believe me, you will.”
“One day, just not today.”
I see so much of the man that I was in this young man. A man lost in his grief. A man who believes he’s already lost a war.
“If you ever find yourself in Stonesville, PA, you’re welcome at Vipers MC any time no questions asked.”
Some warmth returns in his brown eyes. “I might take you up on that.”
“You should. It’s a personal invitation from me. No one will question it,” I tell him.
“Then I’ll make sure I find myself there sometime soon,” he says and I believe him. The man is lost, like I was. And maybe coming to visit us at Vipers MC will help him. In the same ways as it helped me. In the same ways as it helped all of us.
Quickly changing out of my clothes I change into the scrubs that Trevor gave me. Putting on my cut I’m sure I look like an outlaw nurse but I don’t have the energy to care, not that I ever really did.
“I have a few phone calls to make,” I tell him.
