To be so close yet so god damned far.
“He misses you, you know,” she says ever so quietly. Shaking her head slightly she then swallows before adding in a whisper, “so do I.”
Fuck if I don’t miss her, too and the little guy.
Although my heart feels like it’s being torn to shreds I don’t let it show.
And I don’t know how to apologize to her without sounding like a complete asshole. So I offer her the best that I can, “I’ll try.”
Her eyes flash to mine. “Try what?”
Oh fuck. I knew she wouldn’t let me off the hook that easily. She wants me to say it, wants me to admit that I have been avoiding her.
She’s challenging me.
With her I’m always up for it.
Fuck, I even enjoy it.
Amusement, the barest hint of it appears on my face. “I’ll try to be around more.”
She smiles at me then, a triumphant smile that lights her whole face and reaches her eyes. It’s a beautiful sight. One I’ll store in my head for when things get too rough in there.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Her eyebrow arches.
“I don’t know, Gracie Mae, I have a feeling everything might be hard surrounding you.” The sexual innuendo doesn’t slip pass her but that wasn’t entirely what I had meant.
Just being within her proximity will be hell for me.
Hell because I’ll want to touch her. Let my eyes roam over her body freely. Allow myself to think of all the things I can do to her. I’ll want all those things with her. I’ll want to hold her in my arms. I’ll want her to help me forget the pain of my past.
But I can’t.
I need that pain more than I need my next breath because without it I don’t know how to survive.
And seeing her . . . seeing her and knowing that I can never have her. . . that will be that hardest and most painful thing I will ever do.
“None of this has to be hard, Oak,” she softly says. The genuineness in her voice calls to me. The concern on her face attacks my soul.
I try to offer her a smile but it falls flat. “Everything in life is.”
Bravely, boldly, she takes my hand that rests on the bar countertop. The innocent touch lighting up every cell in my entire body. I stare at her hand beguilingly. Her small, pale hand that is soft and gentle caressing my large roughened one.
“But it doesn’t have to be.”
It needs to be.
Not saying anything back to her I think says it all. Her eyes turn sad and her gentle caress on my hand tightens.
It feels as if she’s trying to anchor me to the present. And I want to stay here, with her, I really do but my mind doesn’t allow me to.
Especially not when I hear in the distance the sound of a door slamming.
It ricochets through my chest and pierces my eardrums. The blood in my veins is the only thing I hear rushing to my ears. My heart rapidly begins to beat against my chest.The salvia in my mouth gone dry.
I sit before her a man turned to stone. Staring unblinkingly in the distance, trapped in my own fucking skin.
The sun beats down on our backs, the intense heat searing through our military gear and drenching our skin.
