And I know more than anyone panic attacks don’t wait.
Once we make it to the waiting room the panic attack hits.
Bursting right into action I kneel in front of her. Her sky blue eyes are wide and panicked. They stare straight ahead in a far off distance.
Pinching her chin between my fingers I force her gaze upon me. Her eyes meet mine but they don’t recognize me. Not yet.
“Baby, breathe for me,” I instruct in a tone that’s more commanding than soft.
She starts to breathe but it’s entirely wrong. It’s too quick and shallow. Not enough to get the proper amount of oxygen in her lungs. At the rate she is going she’ll pass out within the next minute.
I place her hands on my face, that way she can feel something that’s real. Something that can bring her back to me.
Not wanting to hurt her but needing her to snap out of it I pinch her chin harder. I see the bite of pain flash in her eyes before they finally see me.
Her lower lip quivers as she sucks in a long breath that shakes. “Oak,” my name is a whisper on her lips but to my ears it sounds like a shout.
I smile at her. One that’s soft and tender. “Yeah baby, it’s me.”
I see the signs of the panic attack waning. The sluggish form of her shoulders. Her pupils no longer pin points. Color returns to her cheeks and her chest rises and falls at an even pace.
My fingers run through her long sandy blonde hair in a soothing manner. Her eyes close, allowing herself to completely give over to my touch.
Seeing that she’s okay I come to a stand. Sensing the space between us she closes it, flushing her front to mine.
I keep my fingers combing through her hair and murmur softly to her.
“You’re good at this,” she muffles against me.
Looking down I raise a brow and stop running my fingers through her hair. “At finger combing your hair?” I know it’s not what she meant.
“You’re good at that, too.”
I hum softly. “I’ve suffered many of panic attacks. Had quite a few breakdowns. Over the years I’ve learned how to snap out of them.”
She tilts her head back then, her eyes gazing up at mine with sorrow etched in them. “I’m sorry.”
“It was none of your doing, Grace. Don’t be.”
Reaching up with her hand she caresses my face, her thumb swiping along my jawline. I in turn do the same. I cup her face with my hand and she leans into my touch.
“It’s only another battle for us,” she says.
“A battle we will win,” I tell her.
“You know,” a sad smile plays on her lips and I hate the sight of it, “my mom used to say to me I’ll fight and fight until I have nothing left. All this fighting, she said, and it will only end with me dead.”
“Do you honestly think that I’ll ever allow that to happen?”
She shakes her head though the sad smile remains, “No, I know you won’t.”
Holding her face tenderly I stare deeply and fiercely in her eyes. “You are the only peace I know, Grace. And if anyone takes that away from me I will unleash a war upon this earth that won’t end until all those responsible are dead.”
Her fingers clasp around my wrist and despite how strong she appears I feel the slight tremble in her fingertips. Her blue eyes stare into mine with shimmers but they burn brightly.
The eyes can tell you everything you need to know about a person. If you stare deep enough you can see more than just their heart, you can see their soul.
Grace has always seen mine.
