“Gentlemen, that’s enough,” Sticks says firmly.
“I’m tired of having to prove myself to you and your club. I made a mistake. I’ve owned up to it. I feel remorseful because of it, but I’m not going to have it constantly thrown in my face,” Crow defends himself in a lethally calm voice. “And if I thought like all of you then none of you would be sitting here. Your actions and leaving my father in the dark cost him his life. My father died for your fucking cause. And you’re going to sit here and tell me my mistake, my honest fucking mistake is more irredeemable?” Crow shakes his head in utter disbelief as he lets out a long sigh. “Fuck all of you.” No one else catches it but I do, the slight hiccup in his voice. The vein pulsing in his throat.
“Your father was Sheriff, Crow. He signed up knowing his life would be on the line. Same as you,” Dex says and if I was him I wouldn’t have said shit. Those two small details are the most I have seen of a reaction from Crow. And that means he’s holding on by a frayed thread.
His eyes cut to Dex and me almost fear for the man’s life. “You’re missing the point. If your club would have told him in advance of the feud with Talon, of your plans, he could have called for backup. He could have been more prepared. But that mistake on all of your parts cost him his life. The point is he had a chance to survive and you guys not telling him lessened it.”
We all sit in silence as we remember his father, Garrett Crow. A good man, a great father, a great Sheriff to his community, and a loving husband.
Out of respect we all attended his funeral.
But no one felt his death more than his son and his wife.
“I’m sorry, Crow. I don’t know how many apologies I can say to make it right,” Sticks says gruffly.
Crow grunts, clearing his throat. “I’ve accepted your apology a long time ago.”
He then rises from his chair with every intention to leave. It goes against Church rules, but then again he isn’t a member. The rules don’t apply to Crow. Addressing Sticks he tells him rather than asking, “If that is all I will see my way out. If any new information arises I’ll let you know.”
Everyone except me watches as Crow leaves and respectfully shuts the door behind him.
“Oak,” Sticks calls out my name in a stern voice.
My eyes cut over to his but my facial expression gives nothing away. “Yes?”
“I understand that you are hurt and I acknowledge that what Crow did was wrong. But if we are to work with him we need not to make an enemy of him. Do you understand?”
Begrudgingly I reply, “Yes.”
He nods his head. “Good. Now leave and try to fucking save your ass with him before he decides to serve it to the feds on a silver platter.”
I’ve never been dismissed before Church has come to an end, which means the little show Crow and I put on Sticks wasn’t very appreciative of.
He’ll scold me later for it, I’m sure. And I’ll have to find a way to make it up to him.
Not wanting to make matters worse, or piss off Sticks even more, I nod my head and excuse myself quietly.
“Crow.” My voice booms throughout the compound and he stops.
He turns and his stone green eyes meet mine. “I thought we were done?” His tone is nonchalant.
“We are,” I confirm but then add, “But we have to put our differences aside if we continue to work with each other.”
Crow laughs. “You’re the only one who is making it a problem, Oak.”
“You’re acting as if what you did didn’t cause me any suffering. As if I hadn’t already experienced enough of it before you and Lana fucking added to it.”
He crosses the room, his strides powerful and lethal.
He stands before me unafraid and not intimidated in the slightest.
“You think you’re the only one who’s suffered?” Crow’s eyes harden to stone and there’s a bite in his tone that sounds like he wants to rip me in two. “You think you’re the only one who’s experienced loss?” His jaw ticks and he swallows thickly. There’s a deep pain in his eyes and if you look closely you can catch the glimpse of heartbreak. And it you dare to look closer you can see the broken soul. “An IUD blew seven of my brothers like they were fucking fireworks and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.” His voice breaks at the end. He then laughs bleakly, the sound horrid and hollow. “You think you’re the only one who suffers with regret?” He takes a step away from me and it looks as if the man who is made of stone is crumbling. But as he crumbles, the anger comes. And with that anger follows all the emotions Crow never expresses.
I always thought he was impenetrable. That nothing bothers him.
But that’s not true.
Crow is just incredibly good at hiding it.
